


The Chloenicles #1

by aliceschmelice



Category: Original Work
Genre: College, Dry Humor, Existential Crisis, Fantasy, Funny, Gen, Humor, Immortality, Introvert, New Adult, Original Character(s), POV Female Character, Sarcasm, Satire, Strong Female Characters, Vampires, millennial's problems, quaterlife crisis, young adult
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 06:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15903111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceschmelice/pseuds/aliceschmelice
Summary: Do you know what to do with your life?Do you know how to make the best of it an live every second to the fullest?Do you know how to follow your dreams?Well, neither does Chloe Williams.But when her lack of motivation towards her college career causes her parents to cut her off and she is forced to find a job, a series of events are set in motion that don't give her much room to procrastinate anymore.She now has to figure out wether she is okay with everything that is happening or not.Oh, and she meets people with secrets.Are you intrigued?Great!Chloe certainly wasn't.She just wanted to stay in bed and hide today.___Irregular updates due to my work schedule.I've already written the whole book, it just needs to be proof read and posted.___In case you haven't noticed, „The Chloenicles" are a pun on Chloe and Chronicles.I have no regrets.





	1. Where to begin?

Well… I guess it all started the day after i decided to take college and my education seriously.   
For the like.. hundredth time.  
This semester.  
But this time I really meant it.  
Okay… I really meant it the 99 times before but this time but I set an alarm for 7 a.m. the next day to get up in time for class so I have proof that this was the real deal.  
But when it went off the next day I did not feel like getting up….?  
I don’t know why that was…?  
So I hit snooze and surprise, surprise, I overslept.  
And there I was, lying in bed debating wether or not I should hurry and get ready and run to class in 15 minutes or if I should just stay in bed and start my quest of better behavior tomorrow. But I did not really feel like going to class without any make-up on. There was no way I could have squeezed putting my face on in. Normally I would not have cared but today I felt tired and cranky and it was raining outside und my confidence couldn’t take a make-up free day. Also, any stupid comment about how tired I looked could have put the commenter in serious danger from my part.  
By staying in bed I was doing the world a favor in so so many ways.  
So…. I stayed in bed.  
After another great 4 hours of sleep I had also missed any other class that I had that day. The perfect time to get up if you ask me. Also I was hungry.

My roommate Max was hard at work when I entered our living room / kitchen space.  
Maybe I should tell you that playing video games was Max’s job before your mind is going places it does not need to be. Don’t ask me how he made a living doing that… Maybe he was testing them or something.  
He paid all his bills and spent most of his time in front of the TV screen with headphones on (with the great advantage that he wasn’t talking to me or bothering me in another way) which made him the perfect roommate for me.  
Today was no different. He was sitting on our once blue, now grey couch, his light brown eyes were focused on the screen of our TV and the level of greasiness of his badly cut brown hair, that framed his round face, and the crumbs on is grey pajama suggested that he had been sitting like this for a while. Just everything about him screamed anti-social nerd. 

After I did the thing a couple of times where you open the fridge and hope that food will magically appear while the doors are closed I had to give up on that dream and find a distraction from my hunger.  
I should interrupt Max’s gaming. He would be annoyed and yell at me a little or be excited and explain the game to me, either way, he would distract me from my growling stomach.  
„Yo!“, i yelled.  
Surprisingly he didn’t react to that.  
Weird.  
I tried his name. „MAX“ , I screamed now, even louder.  
Still no reaction.  
Then I remembered that he got new super soundproof headphones the other day. He talked at me about them for like 300 hours the last time our fridge was empty.  
I could have danced in my underwear to live music by a mariachi band and he would not have noticed or cared.  
For a short moment I considered doing exactly that but where would I get a mariachi band at this time of day.  
So I threw a shoe at him instead.  
That method proofed itself to be effective and he finally looked up, took off his headphones and made an undefined but not really friendly sounding noise. Hello to you too, man….  
„Watchadoin?“, I said. 

„Gaming“, he answered .  
Wow, Captain Obvious save us all.  
„Can I play?“, I asked.

He seemed to think about it.  
I could tell because of the painful expression on his face.  
His thinking face.  
He always looked like someone punched him in the stomach while he thought hard about something.  
„Well…“, he said after a while, „I suppose I could pause my game and try the multiplayer option with you“  
„Cool! What’s this game about?“  
„There is this alien invasion….and you have to keep the American Government from killing them all“  
„And how are we doing that?“  
„Well, we press these buttons to write a strong E-Mail to our representative in congress… That’s all we can do in the beginning.“  
He continued to explain a couple of more options and buttons and things that I forgot instantly but I had learned a long time ago that you at least have to pretend to listen to his instructions otherwise he would not let you play for weeks.  
I have to admit that the plot of the game sounded a little boring but it turned out that it was a lot more difficult than expected. After our mails were answered with an automatic reply for the fifth time I was so frustrated that I slammed the controller to the floor.  
Max gasped and picked it up like a loving mom would her baby.  
„It’s not its fault that you have gamer rage“, he said while checking if it was still ok.  
„Sorry“, I said to the controller.  
And with that the magical distracting-bubble popped and my stomach made a sound that would have made a lion jealous.  
„Should I order pizza?“, Max asked while still checking his baby.  
„That’s a great idea! I just need to go to the ATM first.“  
Yes, yes, I know. I could have done that hours ago and on my way back I could have also stopped by the supermarket and I could have bought food there.  
Could have.  
Should have.  
Blah.  
That’s not how it works.  
And you know it.  
Don’t pretend to be any different.  
I looked out the window to check the weather. It had stopped raining and it was already dark out. That was good news because I could go in my pajamas now and people would think I was some kind of homeless person and avoid me.  
Whenever I wore pajamas during the day, people could see my face, which, with my pointy nose and the bags under my dark brown eyes, unfortunately made me look so much younger than I actually was. People tended to assume that I was sick or a child on heavy drugs or something and asked me if I needed help.   
What was wrong with society.  
The situation was not improved by the fact that I was not the tallest person and that my long, thick, black hair, that I never bothered to brush, made my already small face look even smaller and my skin look even paler than it actually was.

I would describe my looks as 13- year old heroin addict, who hasn’t been introduced to jeans yet.  
Speaking of my hair…. It was a little greasy. I decided to hide it under my „Bad Hair- Day“ hat, took the blackest and baggiest jacket I could find, grabbed my bag and off I was to my epic money retrieval adventure.  
And what can I tell you, it was epic.  
But not in the good way.  
When I arrived at the ATM I did the things you are supposed to do: insert card, pin etc. … But my card was rejected.  
Apparently there was no money left to get.  
I was so shocked by this discovery that I just stared at the ATM for a good couple of minutes until a woman, who was waiting in line behind me, took all the courage she had and tapped me on the back. Judging from the expression she had on her face she debated wether or not to reason with me or call the police immediately. I knew I looked like I was not ready for society but I also thought that jail might be a little over the top. Long story short, I didn’t make a scene and rushed out of the bank, the relived look on the woman’s face burnt into my brain.

 

  
Yes I know. It might be also a little over the top to call that ’epic’.

But I was really shocked. That never happened before in my life.  
How could I have no money left?  
I already paid the bills for this month and since then I had (secretly) eaten Max’s food. I also didn’t go to the movies or any other place that required social interaction and money spending. There was only one way to solve this problem.  
Argh.  
„You can do this“, I mumbled to myself over and over again while walking back home.  
After a while I realized that I was saying this out loud which earned me a couple concerned looks.  
My crazy person attire was complete.  
Level up, 100 points for the contestant.   
I took a couple of deep breaths and dialed THE number. As soon as it started to beep I hoped that nobody would answer. But I think we’ve already established that today was not my day.  
„Hi dad!“  
I spoke quickly before he could say anything. „This is Chloe your only child, the heir of your fortune. Speaking of fortune. There is no money left on my bank-account. Could you send me some more please? And yes, I know, I promised to be more careful with my spending but I did well with the cuts you made to my allowance in summer didn’t I? I haven’t asked for more since! It’s just that I don’t know where all the money went and before I can investigate this mystery any further I thought I might ask you and hope that you won’t let me starve.“  
I breathed.  
This was the most I had talked in days.  
My dear dad stayed quiet on the other end of the line. In the beginning I thought he was just processing my little speech, but after a minute or so I couldn’t take the silence anymore.  
„Dad? Are you there? Can you hear me?“  
„Yes Chloe, I’m here. And I’m fine thanks for asking.“  
I rolled my eyes. I did not need is passive- aggressiveness in my life right now.  
I was stressed.

„As for your request“, he continued, „ my answer is ’no’. I won’t send you any more money. And you did well with your spending that is true, but you did not do well in school. Once again, your grades were terrible and some of your teachers told me you did not even bother to show up most of the time. Again. They had to have this conversation with me, again. I thought cutting your allowance until your grades were up would motivate you, but clearly it did not. So your mother and I have decided to take away our financial support completely, until you do better in school.“  
„But-“, I said slowly, my mind was spinning and I could feel fury building up inside me, “How am I supposed to live now?“  
„Well, get a job like any other person.“, my dad suggested.  
’Like any other person’?  
I didn’t know a lot of people who worked to get themselves through college.  
To be fair, I didn’t know a lot of people.  
And Max was not in college anymore.  
„Ok dad but even if I did that. Don’t you think I would spent a lot of time going to work? You know how important having a roof over my head and not starving is to me. Don’t you think i’d go to classes even less if I had a job?“  
„I do not think that you could go less than you go now Chloe.“  
He let out a long sigh.  
He had always been overly dramatic.  
„We tried everything we could and this is the last thing we can think of. Your tuition is paid until the end of next semester. This is the timeframe we’ll give you. If we do not see any improvement we will not continue to pay for your education. Maybe your place will be taken by someone who actually values it and uses the opportunity.“  
I was so angry, I didn’t know what to say.  
So I didn’t say anything.  
Because my dad had known me ever since my birth 20 years ago, he knew exactly that I was giving him the angry- silent- treatment.  
He tried to calm me down by saying: „We really tried everything else we could think of. We even supported you when you wanted to move off campus into a much older guys apartment whom you’ve never even met until the day you moved in. You were complaining so much about the other students in your dorm that we thought if you didn’t have them around anymore, you could focus better on your studies. But that didn’t help either.“  
He paused.  
I still didn’t say anything.  
This time he interpreted my silence as surrender. Boy, was he wrong.  
„Chloe, honey I’m sorry about this. But I am sure you can do it. You are such a smart girl!“  
„Well, and you are such a jerk!“, I said through gritted teeth and hung up on him.  
I was already way past our building but I was so angry that I just kept walking.  
Our neighborhood was not a particularly nice one.  
Mostly young people were living here who were either attending college like me (well.. kind of like me) and did not have any money or did just finished college and couldn’t find a job and didn’t have any money.  
The baseline was: nobody had money left to prettify stuff.  
And needless to say that this was my aesthetic. I loved the sparsely lit and kind of shabby apartment complexes and didn't mind the missing trees and parks as well as the garbage that nobody bothered to throw away.  
After I had walked around for a while breathing the cold pre- winter air, I could feel my rational senses coming back.  
Time to go home.  
  
Max’s and my apartment was on the 6th floor in a grayish/ brownish building. Of course it didn’t have an elevator and the staircase always smelled of rotten cheese.  
That is a particularly nice smell if you are, like me, are a piece of textbook laziness and never bother to work out and therefore are out of breath when you reach the second floor and you know you have many many more to go and you have to take extra deep breaths so you won’t pass out in rotten-cheese-staircase- hell.  
This time was especially bad because I had been walking around our neighborhood (which I count as exercise) on an empty stomach for a while. There I was standing in front of my door, ready to collapse and not only did I feel like my lungs were contaminated by the smell, but also my mouth tasted like it. I really wanted to brush my teeth so badly at this moment.  
When I opened the door the opposite of the smell hit me.  
Fresh cheese.  
Better yet: Fresh melted cheese.  
Max had kept his promise and ordered pizza.  
I could feel a rush of saliva coming to my mouth and my loudly growling stomach reminded me again of the fact, that I hadn’t eaten all day.

„Thank God, Max!“, I said out of breath while I sloppily dropped my hat, my jacket and my bag on the floor and kicked my shoes off my feet.  
This wasn’t the time for tidiness.  
This was the time for pizza.  
„I’m sooo hungry. You’re a lifesaver!“  
The pizza boxes were right next to the stove on our kitchen counter.  
While I was running over there, which I did super gracefully obviously, Max somehow managed to jump right in front of me and stop me.  
Our living-room /kitchen-space was not that big.  
On one side was a TV with our old sofa and a worn down coffee table standing right in front of it and on the other wall, or „the window wall“ as we call it we installed a fabulous and fancy kitchenesque thing.  
We had a stove and a fridge, which was full of 80s- Band stickers (don’t judge, we bought it for cheap on eBay from a guy, you can judge him though).  
There was also a tiny table and two chairs. They obviously didn’t match, don't be ridiculous.  
The perfect feng shui was completed by some hanging cabinets which all had doors in different shades of brown because Max had won them in a card game.  
Not the cabinets.  
The cabinet doors.  
Don’t ask. I didn’t and I’m doing fine.  
Between those areas was a door each on opposite walls.  
One was our front door and the other one lead into a small, closet sized corridor which had doors to our rooms and bathroom.  
The tricky thing was that the doors looked exactly the same and during my first weeks living here I sometimes accidentally locked myself out of the apartment when I actually wanted to go to my room or even worse, to pee.  
Anyway.  
So Max was sitting on the sofa when I entered and was now right between me and the pizza. Apparently he could move at light’s speed which was surprising considering that he was slow with everything else.  
Do you know this little dance you do when you stand right in front of somebody and you want to go in opposite directions but you both go left and than right and it’s super awkward and then you both laugh and manage like normal people not to run into each other?  
That’s what we were doing.  
Except we didn’t manage because Max did not want to let me pass.  
„Max WTF“, I said, to annoyed to actually curse (I save those for special occasions).

„Chloe. Twenty Bucks.“ He answered in his slow, not very elaborate way.  
„Max. Sentences. Also. What do you mean.“  
„That’s what you owe me. Twenty bucks. For the pizza.“  
Oh dear. Of course today was the day he wanted to have his money right away. He usually was okay with me paying him back later. Maybe he finally found out that I never actually stayed true to my promise.  
„Haha old pal Max, funny story“ - I fake laughed and slapped him on the shoulder- „I just came back from the ATM and hahah“ - I fake laughed more- “ no money came out hahah isn’t that hilarious hahah?! I called my Dad and SURPRISEEEEE“ - I made jazz fingers- „ he cut me off!“  
After I finished my little presentation I instantly felt so embarrassed by it.  
But in the past it had proven itself helpful to distract Max with something.  
Desperate times call for desperate measures, or so they say.  
But he just stood there and stared at me, with painful thinking expression face.  
„So that means….You cannot…. Pay me back……Now……?“  
Boy, was he slow.  
But also right.  
„Nope, isn’t that the funniest story you’ve ever heard Big M?“  
Again with the fake laugh.  
Max just shook his had. His facial expression went from thinking to something that could be described as determination.  
He squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and said: „Chloe. My therapist says I cannot let you treat me this way anymore.“  
Therapist? Wait…What?  
„No Money, no pizza.“  
He nodded, grabbed the pizzas went into his room. I heard a little klick so he must have locked it form the inside.

If I hadn't been through so much already I’d probably run after him and knock on his door until he gave me food.   
Instead, I just stood there staring into the empty space.  
I think I was in shock.  
First my Dad and now Max… What was wrong with the world today? Why would Max behave like a little baby, he was much older than I was.  
And how could I have missed that he was seeing a therapist?

 

After I did the fridge thing a couple times again (still empty that stupid piece of S***), I actually started to plan a heist on a grocery store.  
But I was too tired to go through with it and more importantly, too pretty for jail.  
So I just went back into my room and fell face first on my bed.  
I wanted to scream into my pillow but I was too exhausted.  
I don’t know how much time I spent lying like this before I turned around to lie on my back.  
My glance fell on my „Annoying Deep Quotes Calendar“ that I had gotten for my birthday last year.

„You don’t need to know that you act like brat to recognize the brattiness in somebody else“, it read.  
Urgh.  
I really wanted to set in on fire.  
But I was too tired.  



	2. The Pile, the Job and the Pizza

I woke up the next morning because I heard Max singing in the shower.  
I didn’t even know what time it was, but I noticed that it was still dark out.  
I hadn’t slept much.  
My head felt like a tractor was hitting it over and over again.   
The whole night the thought of having to try to get a job the next day had eaten away my sleep.

I debated to just ignore it and continue to live my life as i did before, but Max standing up to me (if you can even call it that) kind of rattled me.  
I hate to admit that.  
But it did.  
If he was going to therapy and making life changes then i couldn’t count on him paying for my rent and my food anymore. Especially now when he needed to do that more than usual.  
Maybe this had been a one time thing. But guessing from how slow Max was with everything, he must have thought about his for a long time before he took action. Or his therapist was some kind of magician. I could convince him to stop therapy and that me using him… eh, him taking care of me was his actual life goal. But this would take a long time and a lot of effort. I would have starved to death before he „saved“ me.   
Finding a job seemed to be the easier solution.   
I could tell, from the pure fact that Max was showering, that he was about to leave soon. So I decided to wait until he did and then break into his room with the hopes of finding left-overs from the pizza.

Until then, I could lay here and let my headache slowly kill me or I could just get the job search over with.  
I made a sound that i would describe as a mix of a sigh and an „urgh“ and climbed out of bed to look for my laptop.  
  
I finally found it under a pile of clothes that i had carelessly thrown on the ground over the course of the last months.   
Said pile kind of covered the whole floor except for the path that lead from the door to my bed. So it could be said my room consisted of my bed with a little nightstand, my desk, a chair and the pile. Well… the pile had kind of annexed the desk and the chair, I sometimes forget that i have those.   
Let’s just say that my bed is the only piece of usable furniture in my small room.  
After a while of digging and searching i discovered that the pile was not only the home of my laptop. Here was also the place where my painkillers, my headphones and my favorite shirt lived.  
The fact that I was reunited with my long lost and beloved items, had to be a good sign. Today was gonna be a good day, i told myself. And with a hopeful feeling I typed „job openings in my area“ into the search bar of my browser.  
That good feeling i told myself i had vanished 0,09 seconds after i pressed enter. Thousands of results but none of them fitting.  
Grocery Store, Retail? I felt like this would bore me to death.   
Being a waitress? And having to talk to people? Next!   
Drive people places? With which car?  
Being and Administrative Assistant? Sure! I just get my million years of required work experience at the dollar store.   
My college was also listed as an employer multiple times but the openings i qualified for (or I at least could believably lie that i was qualified for) were all with people who had gotten to know me through the absence in their classes and later met me in person while angrily talking to my parents about me like I wasn’t in the room. So I’m pretty sure that they thought I was the least motivated person on the planet. 

They would never employ me. 

The dark realization hit me that I might had to do a job that I didn’t really like.  
I sighed and opened a document and started typing.  
„My résumé“   
Hm… That didn’t seem to be the thing one wrote in a résumé.  
I stared at the screen and the two words i had written for a couple of minutes.  
Is that what writers block felt like?  
I kind of became weirdly hyperaware of my surroundings. Everything was suddenly so much more interesting than my computer screen. For the first time in a while i really looked at the giant horse poster that covered the long wall where I assumed my desk was. I hung it ironically obviously, but it seemed to be staring at me in a very disapproving way. It should mind is own business and focus on galloping safely through the water that it was currently in. The other thing i noticed was that i really had to pee.  
Like really.   
Also there was silence. No sound coming from outside my room.  
Did that mean that Max was gone?  
I decided that going to the bathroom was the perfect excuse to see if he was already gone or just being his usual, quiet self. People had to go to the bathroom. If he was still here he couldn’t question my motives for coming out of my room.   
And if he already left? Time to find food.   
Maybe an empty bladder and a full stomach would make my writers block disappear.  
I stuck my head out of my barely opened door and looked left and right.  
No sign of Max.   
I tiptoed across the closet we call corridor to the bathroom. I felt like such a spy.  
Still no sign of Max.  
I peed.  
Still no sign of Max.  
Maybe he was wearing his headphones again. I decided to check the living room.  
He wasn’t there.

Finally, I felt safe enough to call out his name without having to expect a response.  
„MAX COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!“  
I waited.  
More silence.  
Dear Lord, I hope he didn’t jump-scare me.   
But he really seemed to have left.   
Nice.  
Just out of habit I opened the fridge.  
And I immediately burst into laughter.  
Max apparently hadn’t wanted to keep the rest of the pizza in his room so he put it in the fridge. The funny thing about it was that he, in an obvious attempt to hide it from me, covered the boxes with newspapers. We all know that the newspaper’s natural habitat is the fridge so good camouflaging job, buddy!  
And better yet, the pizza was still in the box. I half expected it to be empty, but Max was not crafty enough to hide the pizza elsewhere and to throw me off it’s trail with „hidden“, empty boxes.

And what can i tell you: it was the most delicious thing i had ever eaten in my entire life.   
Remember the times when we didn’t have smartphones so we’d read shampoo bottles while sitting on the toilet, or the cornflakes boxes while eating breakfast?  
Well, I didn’t have my phone with me so while i was happily munching away i started to read the newspapers, formerly known as the pizza’s hideout. They were conveniently lying next to the now nearly empty boxes on our kitchen table.   
It was today’s paper.   
Did Max just buy it to hide the pizza? Or was he a secret newspaper reader and I just didn’t know? For all I knew he could be the editor. I didn’t trust him anymore after he was completely comfortable with not sharing his food with me yesterday and with not caring if I died as a result of it.  
The articles taught me multiple things:  
The people hated the politicians, the politicians hated the people, and the politicians hated each other. The economy was bad but at the same time better than we had seen it in years. There were no jobs but somehow the unemployment rate was at an all time low. The chances of this one sports team winning were very good because they had had a good season so far but their opponent had never lost against them in the history of that sport.   
All in all: Nobody seemed to address if the good things and the bad things happening were connected and if so, failed to explain why. How is „But there are no jobs!“ an satisfying answer to „The unemployment rate is at an all time low“? Everyone wanted the credit for the good things and nobody wanted to take the blame for the bad things that came with the good things.   
I sighed.  
What was the point? How should I find out if I had to be worried or not?  
I was about to throw the boxes and the newspaper away when I saw the page with the job ads.  
Oh yeah. I almost forgot that I had to do that today.   
A quick look at the page couldn’t hurt, I told myself.   
But it was just more of the same.

Except for that small ad at the bottom of the paper. In contrast to all the other ads it had bold, black letters which made it almost look like a death announcement:  
„Independent journalist in need of a research assistant. If interested, please call the following number.“

Except for the number, that was it.  
No further information.  
It could easily be a scam.  
Funny how my parents would jump to this conclusion immediately regarding anything on the internet, but my alarm bells rang if somebody didn’t provide information in a newspaper. 

Regardless- research assistant seemed like something i could manage. I was able to google stuff! It was worth a try I decided.   
After I retrieved my phone from the pile (miraculously it wasn't completely out of battery) and wrote down on the back of the pizza box what I wanted to say, i took a deep breath and dialed the number in the ad.  
With every ring I got more anxious. It once again got me thinking of how I would have survived in a time, where phone calls were the main form of communication.   
Writing letters in the 19th century? No problem.  
Calling people in the 20th century? Dear God, no.  
Yes, I was born in the 20th century, i was a nineties kid, but I had been a child. If I needed to go to the doctor or wanted a playdate with a kid, I had my parents call them.  
I was so distracted by my own thoughts and anxiety,that I jumped a little when I suddenly heard a thin, shy sounding, male voice at the other of the line.  
„Hello, this is Paul Herford?“  
Holding on to the pizza box I read:  
„Hello this is Chloe Williams, I’m calling regarding your ad in the Daily Beat, I would be interested in that research assistant job.“   
Nailed it.  
„Oh, hello…Chloe was it? Nice of you to call!“, the voice answered.  
Silence.  
Was I supposed to talk?  
After a few more seconds of awkward pause, I decided to just go for it.  
„So.. Does this job offer still stand? Do you need any qualifications from me? A resume or a CV or something?“  
The reply came after another short pause: „Hm…. I haven’t thought about that…. This is my first time looking for somebody and you are the first one responding to the ad, I didn’t think I’d get a response that fast, but why am I telling you this, you don’t need to know this, you probably don’t want to know this, this certainly doesn’t give you an impression of a confident employer and a steady job opportunity right?“, he laughed nervously.  
Wow, angsty. Also his voice sounded kind of old.  
A picture of this guy begun to take form in my head: a skeleton like creature who was one breath away from decomposing into an anxious mess and whose favorite thing to do was crying in public bathrooms. 

And all of a sudden my nervousness was washed away by a confidence, that was born out of feeling completely superior. A grin creeped onto my face. I could take him.  
This, very much fake, feeling of confidence is the only way I can explain why I said: „Maybe we should just meet in person then and then I can decide wether or not I think this opportunity is worth my time? And you can go over my resume and ask me some questions?“  
„Yes, I like this idea, good thinking, then we can see if we vibe and if it’s a fit you and me!“ 

I couldn’t decide if he sounded excited or even more nervous.  
„Cool, It’s a date then!“, I said.  
After we agreed on a time for later that day and he gave me his address, so we could meet at his house („Then you can already check out were you’d work, Chloe!“), we hung up.   
Did that really just happen?   
Yes, it did!   
I happydanced a little because I, Chloe Williams, had bagged a job interview, all on my own!   
And then it dawned on me: I, Chloe Williams, had bagged a Job interview all on my own with a guy I didn’t know to whose house I had to go to all on my own with no back up. When I moved in with Max, my parents had been there when we first met. But they wouldn’t come with me to this interview.  
We are at the part of the horror movie when I would scream „DON’T GO TO HIS HOUSE YOU STUPID GIRL, IT’S A TRAP!!“, at my TV.   
Oh my god, what had I done.  
Was I about to become ’You Stupid Girl’?  
Did he say ’then we can see if we vibe and if you and me are a fit’ on the phone just now?  
And did I reply ’cool, it’s a date’?  
Was I about to get murdered by a guy in his house who I accidentally agreed to date because I needed money?   
Wait… was I dating him for money now?   
Was I a hooker?   
Was an overly serious detective with sunglasses, an ex- wife and a drinking problem about to solve my murder while mumbling ’I’m to old for this shit’ to himself every time he found a new clue?  
…  
Ok now.  
Deep breaths.  
Think Chloe.  
Maybe he was hot.   
But being murdered by a handsome guy would still result in my death.  
Maybe I was over reacting and he was really just looking for an assistant.  
„Or he really is a murderer“, whispered a little annoying voice in my head.  
I could call and cancel. No wait, don’t be ridiculous Chloe, You need the money.   
Think.   
I could change the location to a public place.   
That sounded like a good idea. 

After I gave myself a pep talk in which I informed myself that calling people is nothing to freak out over and practiced what I wanted to say a little, I picked up the phone. I dialed the number and a robot lady let me know, that my prepaid phone plan ran out of money and that I needed to recharge it, if I wanted to make a call.  
I didn’t have any money to recharge it with and I also didn’t have this guy’s email. Max and I also did not have a landline. We never had the need for one before today.   
Think.  
I could wait until Max came home and ask if I could make a call from his phone. But we already established that he was not in a giving mood. Plus, I didn’t know when he came back and I wanted to let Paul Herford know before we were supposed to meet, that I wanted to live. For all I knew Max could be at his D&D group thing, and they sometimes played until the middle of the night. 

Think.   
I could write this guy a letter. I had his address. But letters took such a long time to get to where they were supposed to go and I needed to let him know today, that I wanted to meet somewhere else.   
Of course not showing up was also an option but all the other job ads didn’t sound great and I really needed the money (Did i mention that I was broke and needed the money?)  
After weighing my options a little more I came up with the following plan: I would write a note in which I explained my concerns, go to his house and throw it in his mailbox myself. It would also include my cell phone number so that he could call me and I wouldn't have to pay for the call.   
I felt pretty smart. What a great idea!   
With new found motivation I went back into my room to search the pile for a pen and paper.


	3. 'Til Death tears me away from a job

The meeting that Paul Herford and I agreed on on the phone was not supposed to be until the late afternoon and it was still pretty early in the day, for my standards anyway.  
I decided to just get it over with now.  
Also my logic dictated that the sooner he got the note, the sooner he could call me, the sooner we could meet, the sooner I had a job and the sooner I had money and the sooner I had food.  
No procrastination today!  
I also realized that I had to walk to where he lived…The broke get more exercise I guess.   
I left Max a note on our kitchen table, because letting somebody know where I went, just in case, seemed like a good idea:  
  
_Hey Max,_  
 _I left the apartment to get a job. If I’m not back by tomorrow, I was probably murdered by my potential future employer. In this case it’d be very much appreciated if you’d inform the police and my parents about my demise. I could understand if you didn’t want to do that though, since me having to get a job is partly your fault and therefore you’re partly to blame for my death. Just saying._  
 _Anyway._  
 _I hope I ever see you again!_  
 _Chloe_  
  
I admit, I made the note a little more over dramatic than it had to be. I wasn’t supposed to meet the guy until later, in the public place, to avoid the whole ‚murdered‘ part. Remember my great plan?   
But if I’m being brutally honest with myself, imagining Max being worried was a very satisfying thought. He deserved the distress, that he’d feel… hopefully feel… well, probably feel when he read my note.  
I decided to blast „I will survive“ by Gloria Gaynor on my headphones to put me into the right headspace on my way there. And it worked. I felt like I was going to survive today, but also life in general.

  
During the time I had lived on campus I had gotten to know the small town pretty well because I had taken a lot of walks back then just to escape the other students who, for some reason, were so chatty and intrusive. So I kind of knew where I had to go, but just to be sure, I had looked it up on google maps before I left.  
I could be so structured and organized if I wanted too.  
This always surprised me. 

What also surprised me was what I found at his address.  
According to what I had learned about the place I call home since I moved here for college, Paul lived in a pretty wealthy part of it, basically the complete opposite of where my apartment was: clean streets, lots of trees, parks and playgrounds and instead of the worn down apartment complexes a lot of big houses could be found there.  
I half expected him to live in one of those houses, maybe made of brick with a nice porch and a small but tasteful garden?   
But in a street full of houses like that, i found a huge piece of land with something that looked like a run down wooden shed on it. The garden was more like a pile of soil that was apparently too toxic to have gras or other wanted plants, like flowers, grow in it. Just here and there rambling weed and brought spots of color to this otherwise very brownish, greyish place.  
The whole property was surrounded by leftovers of a hurricane fence that had lost the fight against the flora and fauna and the shed did not seem to have running water or electricity.  
This could not be his place, could it?   
Why would anybody chose to live here?   
This dump was worse than our apartment.  
Something felt off.  
  
After I had checked every other house twice in this street I came to the conclusion that this had to be his place.  
Maybe I got the name of the street wrong?  
What to do?  
I could go closer to the shed and try to find traces of somebody living here? Maybe a clue of a name or something?  
What was the worst thing that could happen?  
Someone of the neighborhood watch, which according to signs on every other houses’ fences was very active here, could call the police on me. On the upside, if they arrested me for trespassing, I did not have to walk all the way home later.   
One part of the fence looked like some car had driven over it, it laid flat on the floor and there were visible tire tracks in the soil.  
I decided that this would be my point of entry.   
  
‚The tire tracks look pretty fresh, it hasn‘t rained since Sunday so somebody must have driven here between Sunday and today, otherwise the tire tracks would have been compromised by the moisture’, I said to myself in my head while examining the tracks.  
I might have been right if I was some smart ass detective person but I wasn’t.  
In reality I had no clue how old the tire tracks were and when it rained last.  
But it was fun to pretend that I knew about it.  
Oh, right, I just remembered that it had rained yesterday.  
Very intriguing.  
I nodded and adjusted my pretend glasses.  
This son of a bitch couldn’t flee from the law! I was on to him!  
I made my way to the house and tried to glance through one of the windows, but i didn't see much through the thick layer of dirt on the glass, just a bunch of boxes in a small, dark room.

Careful not to make a noise I walked around the house to try my luck at the next window, which was located on the side with the entrance.  
Right between the window and the surprisingly blue and stable looking door somebody had hung a mailbox on the wall. Maybe it would tell me who lived here, I hear people have the habit of writing their names on their mailboxes.   
And I was in luck.  
On the white box, which looked so much newer andless run down than everything else here, it read in big and bolt letters: „This house and land are the property of the CotC“ and right underneath it somebody had written with a pencil and as small as possible: „P. Herford“.  
Hey! That was the guy’s name I was supposed to meet with!  
Cool!  
I found him!   
I fished the note I’d written him out of my backpack and put it into the box.  
When I looked up my glance fell on the window through which a pale, male and expressionless face was staring right at me.  
I felt my heard drop into my black, worn out boots and I really felt like screaming.  
But all I could do was wince a little, I was otherwise too shocked to move so I just stared right back at him.  
  
After a few seconds the face’s expression changed to a wide smile, it’s body raised it’s hand and waved at me.   
I still couldn’t move.  
„Wait right there“, I heard him say through the glass, „I’ll come and open the door for you!“  
And with those words he vanished and appeared two seconds later at the now opened door.   
  
„Hey, you must be Chloe? I am Paul!“  
He sounded a little too excited for my taste.  
I debated to just turn around and run away.  
All of my instincts told me so.  
„I’m sorry if I startled you“, Paul continued, „That was not my intention. I just heard a noise and people don’t come by here often so I was just excited to see somebody!“ He laughed a very insecure laugh and scratched his head.  
I took a good look at him.  
He was small, even smaller than I was and very slim. His skin was very pale and his light blue eyes were behind a pair of slim-rimed, small and round glasses. His blond hair had once been groomed in style of an undercut but since then all the short parts had grown out. Light blonde facial hair was growing all over his jaw line, but it was too irregular to resemble an actual beard. He wore a beige knitted pullover that was way to big for him and worn out, light blue skinny jeans. Everything about him screamed insecurity. His age was hard to tell, his stature and style suggested late twenties to early thirties but the wrinkles on his forehead and his under his eyes, which looked tired and a little sad even though he was smiling, made me think he was older than that, late forties maybe.   
All in all I would describe him as an aged hipster. If I had to pick a winner in a fight between him and a light breeze, I would bet on the breeze.  
It would just pick him up and woosh, carry him away.  
Like dandelion seeds.  
And if a breeze won, I would win.   
I relaxed a little.  
  
„Yeah, hi, I’m Chloe….“, I said awkwardly while stuffing my still clenched fists into the pockets of my baggy black jacket.   
„I’m sorry that I look like this“, Paul Herford pointed to his hair and his aspiring-to-be-a-beard facial hair, „I thought we weren’t supposed to meet until later I totally got the time wrong, I am so sorry. I at least wanted to shave and shower, I hope you can ignore how disgusting I look.“  
„Sure.“  
„Do you want to come in?“, he gestured behind him through the open door, “I just moved in two days ago so it’s a little chaotic, but we can still work and you can test your new job!“  
„Yeah about that… I actually came here early to tell you that I’d feel weird going to a man’s house that I’ve never met. You could be… you know… a serial killer or something.“  
Paul laughed. He somehow seemed relived.  
„I’m so happy you said that!“ After he saw the very confused look on my face he quickly added, „It’s just that I am a very suspicious person and the fact that you are more suspicious of me than I am of you somehow makes me feel better.“  
  
It did not make me feel better in any way.  
I also did not really understand what he meant, so I decided it was best to just ignore this.  
„Well, I thought we could maybe go to a public place, that would make me feel better.“  
„I completely understand that Chloe, but I’m sorry, I don’t really leave the house, I have issues I’m sorry.“  
„Oh, me too! I don’t really leave my house either, I mean.“  
„Really?“  
„Yeah!“  
„Well, than thank you for making it all the way here in spite of that!“  
„No problem!“  
We smiled at each other.  
I think we just bonded.  
„I’d understand if you wanted to leave, but I hope you give me a chance.I promise you can leave at any time if you feel weird and I could really, really use the help. Please?“  
And I could really, really use the money.   
I remembered the breeze picking him up and taking him away again.   
„Okay…“, I said slowly, „but you have to pay me when I leave no matter what!“  
„Yes, I can do that!“ A little more excitement and he would have jumped into the air, like my friend Susi from high school when she learned that she won tickets to the concert of her favorite boyband, the flawless 5, or as I like to call them, the douchebag 5.  
„We have a deal then.“  
He nodded, and I followed him inside the house.  
  
I was not just to become ‚You stupid girl‘, I was ‚You stupid girl‘.


	4. Danger Women at Work

Paul Herford closed the door behind us and it with that the last bit of light was gone.   
My eyes were not used to the darkness yet, I was practically blind.   
Paul Herford was apparently attacked by his possessions. I heard a crash of something heavy falling to the ground, a shattering noise and him cursing. Well, cursing for beginners, he used words like ‚heck‘ and ‚gosh darn‘.   
I couldn’t make out were he was so with as little movement as possible, i shouted into the darkness: „Are you okay Mr. Herford?“  
„You can call me Paul“, I head his voice say somewhere to my right.  
„Okay… Are you okay Paul?“  
  
Calling him Paul seemed strange.  
In my head I think I will always continue to refer to him as Paul Herford.  
He has just one of those names that sound better together than apart.   
„Yes, thank you for asking, Chloe, as I mentioned, I just moved here and I’m still not quite sure were the light switch is. Ah, I found it!“  
I head a little ‚klick‘ and with that one single light bulb illuminated the room we were standing in. It resembled our closet like corridor in which it was very small and dark and had a door on each of it’s wooden walls. It was also full of big boxes.

I could now see that the heavy object that I heard falling to the ground earlier, had been in fact the man of the shed himself.  
He sat on the ground between two, very unstable looking, piles of boxes with another box on top of him that had ripped open when it fell and revealed it’s contents to be pots and pants. That must have been the shattering noise. 

„Don’t worry about me, I am very clumsy“, he laughed. „Maybe you could take one of the boxes here“, he gestured to the unstable piles, „ and take them into the kitchen? That would make it safer for me to get up!“  
I grabbed one of the boxes.   
„Which way is the kitchen?“  
„It’s the door opposite of the entrance.“ He pointed to his right.  
  
The box was surprisingly heavy but I managed to maneuver it into the kitchen and place it on the kitchen table.  
The kitchen had white, little dirty looking tiles on the walls and the floor and a window opposite the door. To the right was a huge fridge, that seemed to be very new and to the left was a stove. The rest of the walls was covered with dark green shelves and countertops.  
The kitchen table was in the middle of the room with two chairs to it’s left and right.  
Oh, yeah, and more boxes all across the room.   
Paul Herford entered shortly after me.  
He carried the ripped box with the pots and pans from earlier.  
Apparently he had had a problem with fitting all the cooking utensils in the ripped box and had solved the problem of not having a second pair of hands by wearing one of the pots on his head.  
He placed the box next to mine on the table, put his hands on his hips and said with a frown on his face: „ Maybe we should unpack a couple of the boxes first? I can smell more accidents in the future and I don’t think my insurance covers accidents of employees!“  
I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.  
He looked at me expectantly.  
„The boxes could be a hazard, I guess“, I answered his unspoken question.  
„Ok great, thank you!“, he clapped his hands like he was happy and he knew it.  
„Why don’t you start over there with the one next to the window? There should be food items in there like rice and pasta? You can put everything in the cabinet right next to it?“  
Did he always phrase his sentences like a question?  
„Sure.“, I replied.   
We unpacked without saying a word for a couple minutes, which felt like an eternity.   
Then Paul Herford broke the silence.  
„I’m sorry by the way, this won’t be one of your usual tasks, unpacking is a one time thing,okay?“  
„Sure.“   
I should expand my vocabulary.  
Maybe I could ask him something?  
I remembered my friend Susi from high school telling me, how employers liked it when you showed interest in your work.  
„What do my usual tasks include?“, I asked.   
„Well as I said in the ad, I’m a journalist and I will need you to research things for me, you know for my articles and such?“  
„What are your articles about?“  
„Oh all sorts of things. Usually, I write about nutrition and healthy food. I have a column in ‚ELIZA weekly‘. Have you head of ‚ELIZA weekly‘?“  
„I cannot say I have, sorry.“  
„That’s fine don’t worry! You’re not really their demographic, I didn’t really expect you to know it.“   
Again, I could not tell what he was trying to say.  
Did he want to be reassuring or did he just low key insult me?  
„But“, Paul Herford continued, „You will get to know the people there, part of your tasks will also be emailing with the editor! He is very nice.“  
„Good to know.“  
We fell silent again.

Now that he mentioned writing about healthy foods and nutrition, I noticed that most of the items I had unpacked so far were vegan and gluten free.   
Aged hipster, what did I tell you.   
I heard the engine of a car coming closer. It sounded like the vehicle it belonged to was parking next to the shed.  
Maybe it was the car that had made the tire tracks I had expertly examined earlier?  
Paul could not have driven it away, because, you know, he was here.  
So whose car could it be?  
„Is somebody else living here?“  
My question was left without an answer.  
I looked over to Paul Herford who seemed to be in a similar state of shock that I had been in when he surprised me earlier.  
He stood there, not moving, with plates in each hand and a pot still on his head.   
I felt a little nervousness creeping into me.  
„Is everything okay?“  
With the sound of keys in the door, his face became even more pale.  
With wide eyes he muttered a quiet „Oh oh“.  
  
Before I could ask what was going on I could hear the front door open and a female voice shouted:  
„Paul? Are you okay? I saw on my phone that the alarm was triggered by the front door opening, so I came straight back here! Please tell me it was just you forgetting were the kitchen was again? I tried calling you but you didn’t answer your phone. Paul? Hello? Where are you?“

The closer coming steps stopped with the kitchen door slamming open.  
A woman entered.  
Compared to Paul Herford and I, she was a giant. Other people would probably describe her as having an average height. She wore black skinny jeans, a black brazer and her long, black hair in one neat braid, that dangled over her shoulder.  
While my new employer and I were skinny in a way that suggested a smoking habit or a drug addiction, she looked like she had gained her figure by working out regularly. I would have guessed her age at early thirties. Her almond skin was still flushed from being in a hurry and her precisely plugged eyebrows formed to a worried frown.  
I didn’t know much about fashion but even I could tell hat her accessory game was strong. Her grey and dark blue scarf matched her earrings and bracelet, as well as her bag. All in all she looked like a woman who had her life together.  
I instantly admired her a little for that.  
  
Her dark brown eyes spotted Paul across the room.  
„There you are I was wor- wait a minute why are you wearing a pot on your head again? We’ve been through this, they don’t substitute an actual helmet.“  
It was right this minute when the pack of vegan, gluten free rice noodles, that I was holding in my hand, decided that it could not resist gravity any longer and fell to the ground.  
The woman’s head spun around in my direction and the look she gave me when she saw me sent a shiver down my spine.  
„Paul, who is this and what is she doing here?“  
She spoke very quietly.  
„It is not what it looks like“, I blurted out. I don’t know why exactly I said this, but it seemed like thething people said in situations like these.  
„Really?“ Her eyes were narrowed to slits now. „Because it looks like Paul let somebody in the house without my permission.“  
To my relief, she focused her anger on Paul Herford now.  
„We didn’t install all those security measures for fun you know? They are for your own protection.“  
„I know, Miranda, I didn’t mean to-“  
„You never mean to.“  
„I wanted to hire a replacement for you. I wanted it to be a surprise!“  
The woman, whose name apparently was Miranda, relaxed a little and her face became softer.  
She sank on one of the kitchen table chairs. It seemed like she wanted to be really angry but didn’t have the energy resources left.  
„I really appreciate the thought, but we have to talk about things like this. What if she’s AML?“  
„Chloe? AML? No way! I mean, look at her!“  
Again, was that a compliment or an insult?  
Paul Herford and Miranda both turned to stare at me and like a reflex, my hands shot up in the air, like they were holding me at gunpoint.  
  
After a brief moment of silence I decided it was the right time to chime in.  
Something I did not quite understand was going on here and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what it was.  
Why did Paul, a grown man, need the permission of somebody else to invite people over to his house?  
And why did Miranda want to be replaced?  
And who was she exactly?  
She seemed to be more than just a simple research assistant.  
Whatever it was she was doing here, I became more an more sure by the second that I could not replace her, even if I wanted to.  
Time to get out of here.  
„Hey, listen, I didn’t mean any trouble“, I said while slowly lowering my hands from above my head, „I’m not of the NSA or DMV or anything, I just needed a little cash and wanted to help out.“  
„How did you find Paul then?“, Miranda asked, clearly still suspicious.  
„Mr. Herford put an ad in a newspaper and I called him.“  
„YOU DID WHAT?“, Miranda screamed at the same time Paul Herford said: „I told you, you can call me Paul.“  
„Why do we even bother with you, if you disregard what we tell you anyway?“, she covered her face in her hands.  
He opened his mouth to answer but she shut him up before he could say anything:„I don’t need an answer for that“  
She sighed and then turned to ask me: „What did Paul tell you you would have to do here?“  
When I answered I could hear an apologizing tone in my voice and that annoyed me.  
I did not do anything wrong here but I also could not help it.  
„He told me I just had help him with research for his articles for ‚Elsa weekly‘“  
„It’s ‚ELIZA weekly‘“, Paul Herford corrected me.  
„You told her about ‚ELIZA weekly‘?“, Miranda sounded defeated.  
She shook her head and after a brief moment of consideration she said: „Okay, here is what we are going to to. Chloe… it was Chloe right?“, she took her wallet out of her bag and counted the money inside, „Chloe, I will give you five hundred bucks and you leave and forget this ever happened?“  
I nodded.  
That sounded like a fair deal.  
I was good at forgetting things.  
Easiest money I ever made.   
Well, apart from helping my mom gardening when I was a child, the only money I ever made.  
I walked over Miranda to take the money out of the hand, she extended in my direction.  
But when I grabbed the money she did not let it go.  
She looked me directly in the eyes and said: „That means you can never come back here, understand?“  
„Not even for coffee?“, Paul Herford asked.  
Miranda closed her eyes and I could tell that she was telling herself to be patient.

„You understand?“, she repeated.  
I nodded again.  
„Sure.“  
She let the money go and all of the sudden became very business like.   
„Okay then. It was nice meeting you Chloe. Get home safely.“  
„Yes, it was a pleasure meeting you Chloe, sorry for all the drama, I did not think Miranda would be back to day.“, Paul Herford shrugged his shoulders in an apologizing way.  
„Right. Well. Have a nice life then, I guess.“ I waved awkwardly and hurried out of the kitchen.  
When I closed the shed’s front door, I heard Paul Herford shout: „Bye Chloe!“  
What a strange Person.  
What a weird day.

 


	5. Two weeks later

Cut to me, two weeks later, stocking shelves with canned goods at the superstore two blocks from our apartment.   
Right on my way home from Paul Herford’s place, I had stopped by here to buy ice cream and other junk food with my new earned fortune.  
I had deserved it after all I had been through that day.  
That was when I noticed a sign next to the check out line that informed it’s reader that this branch of the store was looking for employees.  
I asked the girl at the counter about it, she referred me to her manager and fifteen minutes later I was hired as a shelf stocking person, on the condition, that I kept contact with the costumers to a minimum.   
Nothing easier than that.  
  
I put the last piece of canned goods, baked beans, on the shelf.  
Done.  
Time to find Laura, my shift manager, to ask her what I should stock next.  
I looked at my watch.   
She was probably in the break room right now.  
On my way there, I noticed them again.  
The men who looked like bodyguards.  
The only thing missing was a body for them to guard.  
There were four of them who looked like they belonged together, same suits, same built, same haircut, but never came in here as a group or ever talked to each other. And they had been here a lot lately.  
At the weirdest time of day and sometimes they stayed for more than an hour.  
Who needs that long to buy groceries?  
Everything about them was strange.  
When I told my manager Jason about it, he just laughed and very patronizingly told me not to be so paranoid, we had a lot of regulars and I did not find them them suspicious, did I?  
When I protested, he just asked if I wanted to be drug tested again.  
Needless to say, that I strongly disliked Jason.  
Looking over my shoulder, eying the bodyguard closest to me, I entered the break room.  
  
Laura and my colleague Angela were sitting at one of the tables.  
They were both about my age and, much too my surprise, I had noticed that I actually liked hanging out with them.   
„Hey Chloe, already done with the baked beans?“, Laura asked mockingly while tying her blond hair into a ponytail.   
„Yes, I was just about to ask what I should do next“, I said, still eying the guy as I closed the door.   
„Is everything alright?“   
This time Angela spoke.  
„I don’t know“, I answered. „Have you noticed the bodyguard types hanging around the store lately?“  
They both nodded.   
„Those guys are strange, but they’ve been harmless so far“, Angela said.  
„True. At least they haven’t asked one of us out, or touched us inappropriately or waited in front of the store and followed us home after our shift is over, yet.“, Laura agreed.   
„Or told me that an afro is not appropriate for work.“, Angela added.  
I sighed and sat down next to them.  
„I already talked to Jason about this but he said I was paranoid.“  
„Better paranoid than dead, right?“, Laura raised her half emptied coffee cup, as if she was making a toast.   
„I read online that a good way of finding out if people are actually following you or if you are just paranoid is turning left every time on your way home.“  
„And how should this help Angie?“  
„Because it makes you go in circles. If somebody is not following you but just happens to be there they will never walk in circles. It wouldn't make any sense, right?And if somebody is following you, they will follow you to where you started.That’s when you know.“  
Laura started to laugh. „I don’t know, it seems like one of those things that only work in theory.“  
„Laugh all you want Laura but I’m going to try this the next time.“, Angela defended herself.   
„Please tell me if it works!“, I said.  
„Will do!“  
We high-fived.   
Laura drank the last sip of her coffee and got up.  
„Ok ladies, break is over! Chloe, you can restock the magazines. The teen girls, the little maggots that they are, already bought every copy of ‚teen engine‘ that gives away flawless 5 concert coupons. So just put all of them on the shelf we have left, ok?“

When I arrived with the boxes of magazines at our newspaper stand, two of the before mentionedteen girls were already standing there, going through copies of every magazine of the stand.  
To be fair, they could have looked for a car magazine or something, but they were both wearing flawless 5 jackets and I am pretty sure I heard them talk about one of the band member’s dogs.  
I decided to be pro active and offer the new copies of ‚teen engine‘ to them, with the hopes of them leaving and me being able to stock the shelves without them hovering over me.

I cut the box that contained the magazines open, fished out two copies and started waving them around.  
„Hey, girls, are you looking for these?“  
They started screaming.   
Great.  
„Yes, yes, yes, thank you!!“  
They ripped the magazines from my hands.  
  
To my disappointment they did not run away with their new treasure, they just stood there and started to read it.   
Gone was my last hope of working in solitude.  
I sighed and started to put the rest of the copies in their slot.   
  
The girls giggled.   
I could not understand how they could admire the douchebag 5.  
Annoyed with their giggling, how close to me they were standing and with their bad taste, I tried to focus on something else.  
Ever since my first experience as a working member of society, magazines made me think of Paul Herford and Miranda.   
The first time I had to stock the newspaper and magazine stand, I had asked Laura, if we were selling ‚ELIZA weekly‘ but she, just like me, had never heard of this magazine before.   
I had also looked for it in different stores but never saw it anywhere.  
In all honesty, I even tried googling it but the only results I got were from some conspiracy nuts that were convinced that ‚ELIZA weekly‘ was just spreading propaganda for the monarchy.  
I don’t know which monarchy they were taking about, my home country had been without a queen or king for centuries now.   
I also tried googling the abbreviation Paul Herford and Miranda always used, but I didn’t remember the letters.  
After trying a few combinations and falling into an internet rabbit hole of reading about american sign language, I gave up.  
There was properly no point to it anyway.  
After a lot of consideration over the last weeks I had come to the conclusion, that the only explanation to what happened that day was Paul Herford having a mental health problem and Miranda being some sort of nurse. That would explain why he was not allowed to act on his own, have people over just like that, why he was wearing a pot on his head for basically the whole time I was there and all the security measures Miranda was talking about.  
It did not not explain why they were paying me off to forget everything.  
Even though mental health issues were still pretty stigmatized, giving people money to not talk about them seemed over the top.  
  
A high scream from the teen girls interrupted my thoughts.  
„Do you hear this?“, one of them squeaked.  
„Yes, it’s flawless 5’s newest song ‚Why don’t you like me‘!“  
They held each others hands and jumped up and down.  
Great.  
Bad enough that stores always had to play music.  
Now it had to be flawless 5.  
And the only thing worse than one of their songs or a flawlazer (I know, worst fandom name ever), was both of them combined.  
Much to my dismay, they started to sing along to it:

>   
>  _I’m standing at your front door  
>  Thinking you don’t like me anymore  
> _ _But the more you are stand-offish  
> _ _The more I’ll be show-offish  
> _ _I’ll show you with persistence  
> _ _That I can wear down your resistance_

  
Those lyrics were terrible.  
Shaking my head I got up to get more of the magazines from the box.  
In the corner of my eye I could see one of the bodyguard types staring at me.  
He was the only one oft them who had brown hair and blue eyes. Under different circumstances I would have found him hot.  
When I turned around to look straight at him, he quickly grabbed the next best thing and pretended to read the instructions on the packaging.  
It was a box of tampons.  
This was suspicious behavior right?  
But maybe I really was just paranoid and the guy was getting some tampons for his girlfriend.  
That would actually be very nice of him.  
I decided to give him the benefit of a doubt.  
There was nothing I could do about him anyway.  
The girls were now not only singing along to the song but also doing some kind of choreographed dance to the bridge and chorus:

>   
>  _There is no good explanation  
> _ _Other girls liked me without hesitation_
> 
> __  
> Why don’t you like me?  
>  I have a structured jaw,  
>  A six pack and a car  
>  _Man, what happened to us_  
>  _All the other girls are just so jealous  
> _ _Of the attention i give to you  
> _ _So why don’t you like me?_

  
Wait a minute.  
Ironically, the lyrics triggered a memory, the line with the structured jaw to be precise.  
Tampon bodyguard had a very, very nice jaw. That was one of the reasons why I thought could find him hot, if If i didn’t find him threatening.  
I was pretty sure that I had seen him before, outside of the store.  
I remembered thinking, what a well defined jaw line he had.  
My god, that had been about three days ago. I had bumped into him right in front of my apartment building. Of course, I could not be sure that it had been really him, but it started to become very hard for me to talk myself down from the anxiety.

>   
>    
>  _So- Why don’t you like me?  
>  I can’t think of one good reason  
>  I look good and my style is in season  
> _ _Nobody could resist me before  
> _ _But you give the negative feelings an encore  
> _ _Say you never wanted me and to leave you alone  
> _ _But… did you see my jaw bone?_

  
Yes. I saw his jaw bone.  
And I had seen it before.  
I was a hundred percent sure now.  
He was the guy from three days ago.  
What was his deal?  
If he just lived and shopped in this area, why did he have to show up here with his just as muscular multiplets? If it was me he wanted, he could knock me out using only his little finger, easily. He would not need back up for that.  
Maybe they did not belong together.  
Maybe, I was biased against people wearing suits and was just not aware of it.

>   
> _Do you see the same man I see when I look in the mirror_  
>  My hotness could not be any clearer  
>  I am everyone’s type  
>  So come on and join the hype!  
>  What are you waiting for?

__  
As they were singing the last line, the teen girls attempted a risky dance move, that involved them spinning around fairly quickly.  
One of the girls lost her balance and bumped right into me.  
That was when I lost my patience.  
„By Jesus Christ and all he hates, this is not a birthday party, this is a store, where adults go to buy stuff, so stop this dancing and singing or leave this building!“, I shouted.  
The girls did not seem to be very impressed by me, but they grabbed their jackets and backpacks, which they had thrown to the ground while dancing, as well as the copies of their magazines and started to leave.   
Chloe one, teen girls zero.  
„Chloe? A word please?“, I head a slimy voice behind me say.   
Of course. I usually was very patient with the costumers and the one time I am not, Jason has to witness it.   
„Sorry, Jason, it will never happen again!“  
I tried to sound apologetic and truthful.  
„Maybe we should talk about this in my office?“, Jason smiled a fake smile and gestured me to follow him.  
I guess I had no choice.  
  
The only good thing about Jason’s office door closing behind us was, that it shut out the last lines of the douchebag 5 song:  


>   
>  _If we were in a teen movie  
> _ _You would kill just for a date with me  
> _ _But sadly or lives are real  
> _ _Tell me when you wake up and want to seal the deal_

  
Jason sat down at his desk.  
„Please, have a seat!“, he said and pointed to the chair opposite of him.  
I did as I was told.  
After all this noise I had to endure, it was upsettingly silent in here.  
The only thing making making a sound was the huge clock, hanging at the wall right behind Jason.  
„Chloe, Chloe, Chloe.“ Jason folded his hands in front of his acne scarred face, and his watery blue eyes, full of fake worry, were barely visible behind his ash blonde fringe.  
I always thought, that, with his fake niceness and slimy manners, he could easily be a leader of a cult or something. 

„Chloe, Chloe, Chloe“, he repeated, „What are we going to to with you?“  
„Jason, again, I am very sorry! Remember how I told you about the guys in the store who look like bodyguards? I remembered seeing one of them at my building.“  
„And that is why you were rude to our costumers?“, he asked in a voice, that weirdly reminded me of a purring cat.  
„Well, I wasn’t angry at the girls, I was angry at the men! I misdirected my anger, I guess“, I tried to defend myself.  
„Chloe, did those men you think you see actually do something?“  
„As I said they were at my apartment!“  
„Here in the store, I mean.“  
„No, but…“  
„Then there is nothing I can do, I’m afraid“, he interrupted me.  
„But.. Jason…I-“  
„Chloe, I am a nice guy“, he continued like I had not started to say something just now, „and I am very sorry that you feel this way. What ever you think those men here are doing, clearly upsets you. Some things that are not real can upset us, too, you know. And the fear we feel then is a legitimate fear. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off and come back for a fresh start tomorrow?“  
I did not even know how to respond to that, I was so angry. How dared he trying to explain to me, what I saw and felt?  
„I take that as a yes“, he said.  
„But-„,I started, but again with no luck.

„You are dismissed.“  
I had no choice but to thank him and leave.

**  
**


	6. The most exercise I've ever got in my entire life

**  
**

The days were becoming shorter and so it was already dark out when I left the superstore after my chat with Jason.  
On my way home I thought about how strongly I disliked him.  
I also came up with some witty remarks for the conversation we just had, but even if I had thought of them in the moment, they would not have been helpful, Jason would have interrupted me anyway.  
I was very angry and very frustrated.   
I came to a halt at one of the crosswalks of the busy street that the store was located in, and looked to my left and right to check for cars, like they taught you in kindergarten.  
And when I looked to my right, I saw him again.   
Tampon- Jaw- Bone- Bodyguard.  
Maybe he was also on his way home.

He was not in very close distance, but close enough for me to make out all his facial features.  
I crossed the street.  
He crossed the street.  
I turned left.  
He turned left.  
Was he following me?   
The thought was hard to shake now.  
I remembered what Angela had said earlier about finding out if people are following you. I had not really understood what she meant, but if I made my way back to the store, and he would follow me there… then this was not a coincidence anymore. Why would he go back to where he just came from if it wasn’t for going after me?  
I turned right at the next street.  
He turned right.  
The next left turn would take me back to the busy street from the beginning.   
This would be when I found out if I was paranoid or if he really was after me.

The turn came closer and with every step I could feel my heart beat becoming faster.  
I held my breath and turned left…. and so did he.  
Oh god.  
What to do now?  
Before I could really panic, I saw the huge sign of our store glowing in reachable distance.  
I would go there.  
There were people.  
He would not do anything to me while people were watching, would he?  
I was about to cross the busy street to get to the site the sore was located on, when I saw his buddies standing there. They were talking, they clearly knew each other.  
I knew it!  
But now was not the time for gloating, I had to think of another way to get to the store now. They were blocking the one I wanted to go.  
I continued to walk straight forward, with the hope that they were intimidated by me seeming like I knew where I was going.   
The three guys on the other side of the street had spotted me and their college by now.   
They started to move into the same direction as us, as they continued to chat, clearly trying to seem causal.  
To get to the store, I had to cross the street, but if I crossed the street I would run directly into their arms.

I didn’t know what to do.  
Behind me, I heard the squeaking wheels of a car stopping, a door slamming and a clearly drunk girl screaming : „I don’t care if you love me, Brian, you just don’t drive me home when I don’t want to go home ok? I don’t want to go home! I want to go some place nice. You never take me some place nice. Sir, do you want to take me some place nice?“  
I looked over my shoulder to see that the drunk girl had stepped in the way of my persecutor. He tried to ignore her but she started to touch his face, making it really hard for him.  
„You have a very nice jaw, you know that?“, she said.  
I looked across the street to the rest of the bodyguard pack. They were clearly distracted by the scene their buddy was involuntarily starring in, too.  
It was now or never.  
I started to run.  
„We’ve been made!“, I heard one of them shout. I also heard the drunk girl complain about men and why nobody wanted to take her some place nice, but I did not dare to look back.  
I just ran, as fast as I could in the other direction.  
The direction of my apartment.   
I ran all the way up the stairs to my front door and my shaking hands somehow managed to get the key into the lock and open the door.  
I shut it behind me, leaned against it, closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath.  
I should exercise more. Being fit would help in situations like these.  
My lungs and mouth were full of the taste of rotten cheese from our stair case and right now, that was the best thing in the world.  
I relaxed a little.  
My place was not far from where I worked but it was still a miracle that they did not get me.  
Maybe they stopped following me after they realized that I spotted them?  
But they were following me.  
I was not paranoid.  
Thank god for the drunk girl.

„Chloe?“  
I opened my eyes to see that Max was sitting on the couch, a controller in his hand. He must have witnessed me storming in here.  
„Are you okay?“, he asked.  
„No“, I answered, still out of breath, „men were following me home!“  
„Men? What men?“  
„I don’t know, muscular men, they followed me home from the store!“  
I could hear how ridiculous I sounded.   
„Why would men follow you?“, Max said in his slow way.  
„Since when do men need a reason to follow girls places?“, I replied, clearly agitated, my hands making wild, unspecific gestures.  
„I.. I am not sure I understand, Chloe…“  
„Never mind“, I snapped and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. The taste of rotten cheese was not so great anymore.   
He followed me to the tab. I turned around and nearly ran him over.  
„Jesus, Max, have you head of personal space? Get out of my way!“  
Max had his painful- thinking face. But something else was mixed into it. Worry maybe?  
„Chloe. I need to ask you something serious.“, he took a deep breath. „Are you a drug dealer now?“  
„Excuse you?“   
How did he get that idea?  
„Well. You got a lot of money very quickly when I finally stood up to you and didn’t give you pizza. Then you work in the evenings a lot. Then there were the men asking for you a couple days ago. And now you have been followed.“  
I could see, that in Max eyes, I would seem very suspicious.  
Wait what did he just say?  
„Max, what did you just say? About the men asking for me? When ? Who? How?“  
„A couple days ago, men were asking for you. They wore suits. They knocked at our door. I told them you weren’t here because you weren’t here.“  
I tried to stay calm.  
„Did they tell you what they wanted from me?“  
„They wanted to talk to you?“  
„About what?“  
„I don’t know.“  
Max, as helpful as ever.  
„Did they specifically ask for me? Did they ask for Chloe Williams?“  
„No, they gave a description of somebody who looks like you. I told them that somebody like this was living here.“  
Great, Max, great.  
I sighed and massaged the back of my nose with my thumb and index finger.  
The man might not actually be after me, but after somebody who looks like me. And max was the reason I had to go through this.  
I needed to leave this room or I would strangle him.  
I shoved him out of the way.  
„Chloe, what is going on? What did you do?“  
He sounded concerned, but i was to angry to mind.  
„Nothing, okay? I did nothing. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. Now, I’ll be in my room, don’t disturb me.“  
And with those words I rushed out of the living- kitchen- room.  
  
I was about to close the door to my room, when I heard a knock on our front door.  
It sounded like somebody was in a hurry.  
I froze.  
Did the men find me? They already knew where I lived.   
Did they come here to get me, or whomever they thought I was?  
I crossed my fingers and wished for Max wearing his soundproof headphones.<  
I did not want him tohear the knocks and to open the door.  
When nobody responded, the knock became louder and even more impatient.  
I held my breath.  
After another short moment I heard Max say „I’m coming, just a second!“  
  
No.  
No, no, no.  
Max could not open this door.   
I let the glass of water, I still held in my hand, fall to the floor and sprinted across the apartment, but it was already too late.   
I expected to see Tampon- Jaw- Bone - Guy standing cross from Max in the open door, but instead, I saw a woman, in black skinny jeans and blazer, her long black hair in a high pony tail, looking nervously over her shoulder.  
„Miranda?“, I said in total disbelief, „What the hell are you doing here?“   
„Chloe, grab your things we don’t have much time!“, she answered in the business like tone that I already knew from her.   
„What things?“, I asked.  
I could not believe she was here.  
And more importantly: Why?  
„Your things Chloe, your clothes, your phone, whatever you think you need! Come on, we need to go, we don’t have much time!“  
My surprise about seeing her became anger.  
After giving me 500 bucks to forget about her and Paul Herford, she dared to come to my apartment and boss me around?  
„Much time before what happens? And go where exactly?“, I snapped.  
And then it hit me.  
„Wait a minute, are you working with he muscular multiplets bodyguard buddies?“  
„The who? No!“  
„Yeah right.“ I crossed my arms in front of my chest. „I’m not going anywhere with you.“  
Miranda threw her arms in the air. „Why do I always have to convince the most stubborn people?“  
Then she looked straight at me. „Chloe, this is your last chance, or else.“  
„Or else what?“  
She raised her eyebrows. „You don’t want to know.“  
I tightened my crossed arms and clenched my fists.  
„Try me. I’m not going anywhere with you.“  
Miranda sighed. „Okay. Than this is how we are doing this.“  
Without any warning, he pushed Max out of the way and rushed into our closet corridor.  
„What are you doing?“, I shouted and followed her.  
I was very confused.  
  
I caught up to her in my room. „Why do I always have to to everything around here. Nobody ever listens to me. And why is her stuff wet? Why are there glass splinters here? These are no living conditions. What a mess.“ She muttered to herself while taking my pile apart, throwing things she found in it to her left and right.  
„What are you doing?“, I repeated my question, outraged.  
„Aha!“, she exclaimed, pulled my neon pink, hard shell suitcase from under my bed and started to stuff my things into it.   
„Hey, stop it!“, I shouted.  
„You know“, she said, finally talking to me, „if you had a go- bag ready, like any normal person, we could already be on our way.“  
„I am not sorry to inform you, that no normal person has a go- bag.“, I hissed through gritted teeth. „And I am not going anywhere with you.“  
„We’ll see about that.“  
  
I was just about to think of methods of how I could stop her, when Max appeared in my doorframe.   
„Chloe. If it means that you can stop dealing drugs, I will share my food with you again.“  
„Max, I am not a drug dealer!“  
„Okay. All done.“ Miranda grabbed my now packed suitcase in one hand and my arm in the other.   
„We are leaving.“  
„I am not sure if I am comfortable with you taking her.“ In an act of bravery, Max blocked the door.   
Miranda’s face softened and she smiled at him.  
„Honey, I appreciate your worry. I love that you care. You’re a good man.“ Miranda’s voice was very gentle.  
Max smiled back.  
„So don’t take it personally when I do this. It’s for your own protection.“   
She let go of the suitcase and hit Max over the head.  
He collapsed and fell to the floor, not moving.  
„Oh my god, you killed him!“, I screamed and tried to get rid of the firm grip she had on my arm.  
„Nonsense, I just knocked him out. He is unconscious he should come to in a couple of minutes.“, she said in her business like manner.   
She pulled me out of my room, while carrying my suitcase, careful not to step on Max’ lifeless body, towards our front door.  
To my credit, I was trying to fight against it, ramming my feet into the floor, trying to loosen the grip she had on my arm with my free hand.  
But she was very strong. 

When she opened the front door, Tampon- Jaw- Bone- Guy was waiting for us.  
I knew it. Oh god.  
But much to my surprise, she kicked him in the face, as soon as the door opened. She did it so quickly, he did not have time to defend himself. He fell to the ground much like Max had done.  
„Damn it, they are already here.“, she said. „We need to run.“  
She pulled me down the stairs.  
I was still very reluctant to follow her, but I did not put up as much resistance as I had before. She seemed to play in a different team the bodyguard types, and if I had to be kidnapped and my choice was between her and them, then I would chose her after what I had been through on my way home earlier that day.  
That seemed like forever ago.  
We reached the last flight of stairs when two more of them blocked our way down, by standing in the middle of it shoulder to shoulder.  
Without hesitation, Miranda threw my suitcase in their direction. It hit one of them in the stomach. He stumbled and fell down a couple of steps beforefinding his balance, my suitcase lying next to him.  
„Chloe, run“, Miranda whispered in my ear, and pushed me in the same direction she had thrown my suitcase in.  
I instantly stumbled and fell down the stairs, no chance of recovering and gaining balance.  
I covered my face with my hands and arms.  
When I did not move anymore I looked up.  
I was lying on my back at the bottom of the staircase.  
While I had been falling, Miranda had knocked out one of the guys and held the other one in a headlock.   
„Run out the door, Paul is in the car, waiting!“, she shouted at me.  
That’s when her opponent, in his struggle to free himself from her, kicked my suitcase that was lying to his feet.   
The last thing I saw and felt before losing consciousness was a neon pink blur hitting me in the face.  



	7. In which I probably have a concussion but nobody cares

****  
The first thing I remembered after being knocked out by my neon pink suitcase is my headache. A hundred little hammers hitting my skull in an unspecific pattern.   
I realized that I was lying down.  
My brain was not at it’s full capacity and I was unable to open my eyes or move. All I could make out was the hum of a car engine and a male voice singing along to the radio.  
Well it was more rhythmic screaming then it was singing.

>   
>  _Why don’t you like me?_  
>  I have a structured jaw,  
>  A six pack and a car  
>  _Man, what happened to us_  
>  _All the other girls are just so jealous  
> _ _Of the attention I give to you  
> _ _So why don’t you like me?_

  
„Paul stop this, you’re going to wake her up“, a female voice scolded.  
„Don’t be such a buzzkill Miranda, the song is so fun to sing along to! And it’s about time that she wakes up anyway, how long has it been? Ten hours? I’m beginning to think she is in a coma. Maybe we should go to a hospital?“  
„It has not been ten hours, Paul. Maybe half of one hour. I swear, you have the weirdest perception of time. And we talked about this, going to a hospital is too risky at the moment. I’ll make sure that we are not followed and if she hasn’t woken up by then, we’ll find a doctor we can trust.“  
„Okay.“  
„I kind of don’t want her to wake up though- no not ever, I obviously want her to be okay, stop looking at me like that! I am just saying, her being unconscious made it so much easier to get her in the car and out of danger. Would be easier for us if she just stayed that way until we’re at the hot spot or something.“  
„Right.“  
„I am not a terrible person, Paul! I’m just being practical.“  
„I know you are.“  
Silence.  
Then the singing… the screaming… the scringing started again.  


>   
>  _Do you see the same man I see when I look in the mirror  
>  My hotness could not be any clearer-  
>  _

__  
„Could you stop singing, if not for her then for me please, Paul?“  
„What, you don’t like my beautiful singing voice?“  
They both laughed.  
„I don’t mind your voice, it’s just the song…“  
„What about it?“  
„I don’t know… it’s kind of rapey in a way, you know? I don’t know how else to describe it.“  
„I think I know what you mean…but I cannot help it, it’s so incredibly catchy!“  
„Yes it is… it’s just that casual misogyny-“  
„Wait Miranda, that was our exit!“  
„What? Jesus, Paul, I told you to pay attention to where we’re going so that I could focus on shaking the agents off our tail! You literally only had one job!“  
„Hey, I told you we missed our exit, so I did my job!“  
I heard the squeaking of wheels and other cars honking.   
The car I was in must have been turned around and driven over something solid, because I could feel my body being pressed into what I assumed to be the car seat, before I was lifted up and seconds later slammed full force back into the seat again.  
That hurt.  
Somehow that pain gave my brain the jumpstart it had needed.  
I made a groaning sound and opened my eyes.  
  
I found myself lying on the backseats of an ordinary SUV with a black interior.  
It was still dark outside.   
I sat up, holding my head.  
My vision was a little blurry but I could see Miranda in the drivers seat and Paul Herford right next to her.  
  
„What happened?“, I mumbled, still disorientated.   
„Look who’s awake!“, Paul Herford sang and managed to put more melody into this than he had when he had sung along to the radio.  
Miranda’s answer was more helpful. „After your suitcase had knocked you out and I had given the same curtesy to the last remaining agent, I put you and your luggage in the car and we have been driving ever since.“  
She sounded like she was reporting back to a superior officer or something.   
  
I thought about what she had said.   
Even though I was happy that the bodyguards, or agents, as Miranda called them, did not get me, I was still pissed that I was with the both of them now.  
I wanted to go home.  
I did not want to be kidnaped at all.  
„When can I go home?“, I asked.  
„I’m so sorry, but you cannot go back for a while“, Paul apologized, and he sounded genuine.  
„Why not?“  
„Chloe, I realize your head has been through some things today, but how about you use it.“, Miranda answered in his place, „The agents were at your apartment and they will be waiting there for you. If you go back there you might as well go straight to AML headquarters and save yourself a trip.“  
I had so many questions.   
What is this AML they always seem to be talking about?  
Why were they after me?   
Where were we going?   
What was going on?   
And how were Miranda and Paul Herford connected to this?  
Seeing my face in the rearview mirror, which must have looked pretty shaken up, confused and worried, Miranda continued: „Don’t worry about Max, they will leave him alone. The fact that we left him behind, unconscious, should show them that he has nothing to do with us. They might ask if he knows something and put him under surveillance for a couple of days, but he is going to be fine. They already drew too much attention to this situation, they won’t risk making it worse by hurting him.“ 

Oh, I had forgotten all about Max. But now that she mentioned him, I remembered something he had told me.  
„I think there has been a mistake. They are not actually looking for me, they are looking for somebody who looks like me. Max said so. They knocked on our door and told him. So if you just let me out here I could grab a bus or something back and explain to them how they got it all wrong and that they need to continue looking!“ My tone was more desperate and whiney than I would have liked it to be.  
„They were looking for somebody who looks like you because they saw you on CotC premises when you visited Paul“, Miranda explained.  
Great.   
Yet another acronym I did not understand.  
Somehow all the explanations they gave me brought up new questions.  
„Then why didn’t they grab me when they had the chance? I saw them around a lot! Nearly every day at work, on my way home, on my way to work….?“  
„They just couldn’t be sure that you were the one they were looking for, so they had to ask around.“  
  
I finally began to understand.  
It had taken me a while but I may remind you that my head had been compromised by the neon pink suitcase of death and by Miranda’s driving.  
„They were after me and people who looked like me because I was in contact with you?“  
They nodded.  
„Do you understand now why Paul cannot have visitors that haven’t been cleared, just like that?“  
„And“, I paused to find the right words,“they now know that I was the one they were looking for because you showed up at my place?“  
Silence.  
„If you hadn’t shown up they wouldn’t have had proof that we were connected and left me alone? Right?“, I followed up.  
My confusion and disorientation started to become anger.  
Nothing of this was my fault.  
But here I was, kidnapped, probably with a concussion or some worse head trauma that nobody cared about in the back of a car that was driving about 160 km/h on the freeway to probably hell.  
  
„Oh my gosh, Miranda, did we do this? Was it our coming back for her that she cannot go back to her boyfriend and live the rest of her life in peace? I told you, we just should have left without looking back! You insisted we should check up on her! But I forgive you and I hope that Chloe will, too!“ Paul Herford’s voice sounded like he was about to cry. He folded his hands on front of his mouth like he was praying and brought his face very close to Miranda’s.   
I could not tell if he was making fun of me, or if he was just an actual drama queen.  
I could only see a part of Miranda’s face in the rearview mirror, but I could tell by the way her shoulders and neck tensed up that it took her a lot of effort to not turn around and scream at him or punch him in the face.  
And I felt her.  
Max was not my boyfriend.  
  
When she finally spoke, she did it slowly, somehow emphasizing every single word, choosing them deliberately: „First of all to the question who’s fault it is: Paul you shouldn’t have disregarded security and contacted her, not to mention, invited her to your house. And Chloe, you should not have gone. We could have a discussion about who’s fault this mess is forever so we’re stopping now. What happened, happened. Secondly, our sources told me that they were closing in on you, Chloe, pretty quickly. It was only a matter of time until they would have been sure.“  
„Yeah, right.“, I grunted.   
„In our defense, we did not plan any of this“, Miranda continued, „we were too compromised to stay in town and were about to leave when I was told that they might be looking for you. I just wanted to drive by your apartment to see if you were alright, when we saw you running in, one of the agents following you. I got out of the car, stopped him, and then went to get you. And you know what happened from there. I had to decide in the moment.“  
I stared at her neck disapprovingly.„Sorry for feeling responsible.“, she added.  
  
I somehow got the feeling that she was not sorry at all. I found her to be very self-righteous.  
Who was she to decide what was right for me? __  
Not even my parents just showed up at my house and ordered me around even though I knew that that was what they were dying to do.  
Sometimes I wished they forgot where I lived so I could stop being afraid of them doing exactly that.  
  
Wait a minute… How did Miranda and Paul Herford know where I lived?   
I never gave them my address, all they had to go on was my phone number.  
Why not just call me to see if I was all right?  
„And you had to come to my house to act on your sense of responsibility? An simple phone call wouldn’t have been enough for you?“  
„What part of ‚we did not plan this‘ did you not understand?“ Miranda could barely keep the anger out of her voice anymore.   
„Okay, fine, how did you know where I lived then?“  
„We have our ways.“  
Could she be any more unspecific?  
I stared out of the window.   
Through the darkness of the night I could spot some large trees lining the freeway to the left and right.   
My headache was still killing me.  
I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.  
Well, maybe I would wish it on Jason.  
Or Miranda.  
Or Paul Herford.   
Oh, that was a fun game: Who was more deserving of my headache: Miranda or Paul Herford?

Miranda had instructed us to not play the blame game, but she couldn’t control what I did in my head. At least one thing that was safe from her.  
Just for her controlling nature and self-righteousness, she deserved the headache.  
I needed to come up with something pretty bad for Paul Herford or he would loose.  
I wanted this game to be fair.  
Apparently, I was in this situation because of Miranda and him.   
When I first met him I thought he was a very insecure person but the more I got to know him, the more I thought that I might have mistook an unorganized, chaotic and carefree person for an insecure one.  
And he seemed to be someone who attracted chaos.  
Take our current situation, for example. This did not seem like it was the first time the both of them were on the run.   
But I was just guessing here.  
What was another fact I knew?  
Miranda worked for Paul Herford.   
Maybe she did the things she did because it was her only job to clean up the mess, he had gotten himself into?  
If that were true, would that mean that those agent people did not necessarily care about her, but more about Paul Herford?   
It would explain why she seemed to be able to go wherever she wanted and he had to be locked in a house without visitors.  
This seemed like vital information, because if I was right about this, I needed to cut her some slack on the headache scale.  
I decided to find out.  
„Paul, is it you those ABC bodyguards actually want?“  
He turned around and smiled a wide smile at me.  
„You called me Paul! And yes, you are right, good job deducting this!“  
He gave me a thumbs up.  
I frowned.  
Something just occurred to me.  
„Then what the hell did you do to piss them off?“  
His eyes widened and he answered full of indignation: „Nothing! What makes you think that? If anything, I am the victim here! Did nobody teach you to not blame the victim?“  
I was about to snap back but Miranda cut me off before I could say a word.  
„We’re not talking about this right now.“  
How did she make everything she said sound so final, like the law itself?  
„When are we going to talk about it then?“  
„If we are going to talk about it“, she put a lot of emphasis on the ‚if’, „We’ll talk about it when we are there.“  
„And where is there? Where are you taking me?“  
„We’re going to the next hot spot.“, Paul Herford said in a way that suggested that he was looking forward to this.   
That didn’t give me much hope, that I would like it there, too.   
And that was when the full scale of my situation started to hit me.  
There was nothing I could do but to let them take me to where they wanted to go.  
Nothing.  
And for all I knew, they could be the bad guys here. Maybe the bodyguards were just trying to protect me from them.   
I just had Miranda’s and Paul Herford’s bias information to go on.  
I all of a sudden felt very small and very helpless.  
„And what in the name of Christ’s enemies is a hot spot?“  
Paul Herford took a deep breath and I hoped for a long and detailed explanation, but yet again, Miranda was quicker.  
„It’s a safe space.“  
Paul nodded in agreement.  
I gave up.   
Miranda should become a politician or a PR representative for a celebrity involved in a scandal or something, she answered my questions by not actually answering them or giving me any information like a pro. 

I was too tired and too full of headache to go on against this any longer.  
I also stared to feel tears welling up and I was worried that I would start crying if I tried to say another word.  
I wouldn’t give them that satisfaction.   
So I leaned back into my seat and closed my eyes.   
„Maybe we should stop somewhere with a bed and rest.“, I heard Miranda say.  
„Yes, please!“  
Paul Herford seemed to be a person who was excited easily.   
They discussed the best place to go, what was the closest, the most unsuspicious and lot’s of more criteria potential accommodation had to fulfill, but I was not listening anymore.  
For the rest of the drive I just sat there with my eyes closed, feeling sorry for myself.

 


	8. Murder Motel Mysteries

 

„Chloe, wake up!“  
Somebody grabbed my knee and started shaking it.  
I opened my eyes and stared right into Paul’s grinning face.  
„You fell asleep!“, he unnecessarily informed me.   
Why not tell me something I did not already know, like what those bodyguards wanted from him?  
  
I stretched myself and looked out of the window.   
We were parked in a parking lot of a very dirty looking motel.  
It’s walls were painted in an ochre- yellowish color and I could hear the stirring sound of the flickering ‚24h open’ neon sign whenever it turned on again.  
Otherwise we were surrounded by large trees.   
It was still dark outside and a look at the car’s clock told me that is was 3.30am.  
The only thing missing from the scene was an old guy with a humpback, a broken nose full of warts, only one good eye and a limb who would welcome us to the number one place where people got murdered.   
Paul Herford saw me looking around, so he told me:  
„We hope we can stay here for the rest of the night. Miranda can’t drive for longer even though she says she can you know? Even the strongest people need to sleep sometimes.“  
Speaking of Miranda… I noticed that she was not in the car.  
„Where is she?“  
„She went to see if they were still open and if they had a room available. She told me to stay in the car and wait until she comes back so I guess we’ll do that.“

If she was not here I should use the opportunity to ask questions. Paul Herford seemed to be willing to actually answer.   
But before I could open my mouth again, I heard footsteps.  
Miranda was back.

She opened door to the drivers seat and said: „They had one room left. Grab what you need and follow me.“  
She shut the door without waiting for a response from us.  
„Let’s go, Chloe! Your suitcase should be in the trunk.“  
Reluctantly I got out of the car.   
It was freezing out.   
After we got our things, (the trunk was full of boxes and suitcases, I guess they were really about to leave town for good) we followed Miranda to a small, windowless room on the second floor. It was painted in the same color as the exterior of the motel.  
On the left was an open door that lead to a tiny bath room with a brown shower, a brown toilet and a brown sink with a dirty mirror above it. On the wall opposite of the front door was a queen sized bed and a single bed. Their yellow duvets stood in strong contrast to the brown carpet. To our right was a small table with two chairs. Somebody had put muddy colored towels on them.  
  
„Oh, this is going to be cozy for you!“, Paul Herford noted while taking a look around the room.  
„What do you mean?“, I asked suspiciously.  
„Well, there is two beds and we are three people. So you and Miranda will have to share!“  
„I don’t think so. Why don’t you and Miranda share, aren’t you supposed to be friends or something?“, I snapped.  
„Don’t be silly Chloe, we aren’t married, we cannot do that!“, he said like I was stupid for not having thought of that myself.  
Great.  
Not only was he my kidnapper and somehow the person who decided what happened to my life now, but also a conservative.  
I crossed my arms.  
„I am not sharing with anybody. You kidnapped me, the least you can do is give me my own bed!“  
„Stop this you two!“, Miranda yawned, „I’m going to sleep on the floor.“  
„No, you cannot sleep on the floor, you are our driver, you have to be well rested!“ Paul sounded very concerned.  
„Well. Then I would argue that you and Chloe should share. The two of you’d take as much space together as I would alone.“  
Was I wrong or could I see a smirk on her face?  
„Fine!“, Paul grabbed a pillow and a blanket and put it between the two beds. „I’ll sleep here.“  
„Great!“ Miranda put my suitcase, that I had left next to the door when I had entered the room, on the smaller bed. „Who is going to the bathroom first?“  
„I am!“,answered without thinking and rushed to the little room. 

When I closed the door and locked it behind me, I felt like I had won at least something today.  
I, Chloe Williams, had the questionable honor of being the first one to use the bathroom.

Now that I was here, I might as well pee.  
Not that I really had to, but it is always good to have a pee in the bank.   
When I washed my hands and looked up into the mirror, I was jump scared by my face.   
Somehow the other two forgot to mention that it was full of dried blood from my nose, which must have started to bleed after I was hit in the face by my luggage.  
Some blood had also made it to my t-shirt and jacket. It was not as visible on my black jacket as it was on the white shirt that I had to wear to work and I was a little annoyed by myself, that I hadn’t thought of bringing another shirt in here with me to change.  
I should go back to the main room and get another one.  
But was I ready to face Miranda and Paul Herford again?  
I enjoyed the much needed alone time and uncontaminated personal space, that the locked door of the bath room provided.   
I finally was alone with my thoughts in a quiet place for a bit and had the opportunity to unpack them.  
Something became clear to me: If I was really honest with myself, I didn’t mind being away from home as a kidnapping victim as much as I did earlier when I was still overwhelmed and shocked by the situation I was in.  
Now, that I had come to terms with it a little and had had a chance to calm down, it was not as terrible anymore.  
Sure, I was mad that I did not have a say in what had happened so far, but I could deal with all of this.  
What was waiting for me when I got home anyway?  
A roommate who thought I was a drug dealer.  
A badly paid job with a stupid boss.  
The pressure of getting a college degree that I wouldn’t use later in life.  
Even though I could imagine a lot of things that I would rather be doing than being in a murder motel with two more or less strangers, going back to my regular life was not high up on the list.  
I expected to leave everything behind and become fabulous at some point anyway.   
I had thought that it would happen under different circumstances and I was not really fabulous (yet), but Miranda and Paul Herford would do for now.  
Maybe this was my version of a Hogwarts letter or a bite of a radio active spider or something, something that gave me purpose and sorted my life out.   
I decided that despite of me apparently being in danger, I would make the best of my situation, by treating this kidnapping like a blessing in disguise.  
  
One thing that still really ticked me off about the other two, something, I could not talk myself down from, was, that they made me feel like an outsider. Not that I was new to that feeling, but usually I chose to not be a part of a group.  
They acted like a well oiled machine and they seemed to know each other very well, there was not much room for me.  
I didn’t mind not being in the team, but I minded not being given the opportunity to reject being in the team.  
The other thing that annoyed me was, that they never told me anything. I felt like I was on a road trip with my parents again, just being ignored when I told them that I needed the bathroom or that I was hungry. I did not say these things to annoy them, you know.   
I sighed and started to wash the blood of my face.  
Maybe I would get some answers out of them at some point. 

I realized that other than a new shirt, a towel and a toothbrush would come in handy now, too.   
I took a deep breath and unlocked the door.  
„I’m not done in there yet!“, I said as confidently as possible while walking over to my bed to search my suitcase for the things I needed.  
Paul Herford and Miranda both nodded to show that they heard me, not seeming to be in a hurry to needing the bathroom. They were occupied doing other things.   
Miranda was sat on her queen bed, texting like a champion.   
„Michael says hi!“, she said to Paul Herford, who was lying on his back on his floor bed, reading a newspaper.  
„Thanks“, he replied, „where does he think we are at the moment?“  
„At your sister’s. I told him she was allergic to one of the recipes you recommended to her and now we had to play nice.“  
„Didn’t you use this excuse last year, when you couldn’t be with him for Christmas?“  
„No, that’s when I told him we were snowed in in Siberia, after we were ‚trying to find that rare fish‘, remember?“, she but the last part of her sentence in air quotes with the hand, that wasn’t holding her phone.   
„Ah, yeah right!“ Paul Herford changed the page of his newspaper.  
I could see the front page for a quick second and noticed that he was reading ‚ELIZA weekly’. I had thought that the paper he had a column about nutrition in was some sort of women’s magazine, but it appeared to be a proper newspaper.  
  
I started to look through my things and immediately decided that Miranda was a bad packer. She had just thrown colorful stuff in there, which surprised me, as she was yet another woman who appeared to be in the ‚we only wear black and when we cannot find something black to wear, we wear dark colors‘ club.  
Well, in fairness, she just had thrown things from my room pile in there and I guess that did not give her the best selection.  
But I didn’t want to be fair with her.  
A little more attention to detail the next time you kidnap somebody, missy!  
After I found a shirt that was not super terrible (dark green with a big flower that had blood shot eyes and fangs) and got a towel from the table next to the door, I was still missing a toothbrush.   
I went back to my suitcase but I was pretty sure that I had not seen any toiletries in there during my first search.   
I guess the pile had not been a good source for bathroom related things either.  
But toothbrushes are small maybe I just missed it.   
Another look could not hurt.  
  
I felt Miranda staring at me while I was taking every single item out of the neon pink nose breaker.   
„Are you looking for this?“, she asked and held a rectangular black thing with a glow in the dark sticker in the shape of an alien head it in the air.  
My phone!  
How could I just notice now, that I hadn’t had it?  
I mean I did not really have much use for it anyway these days.  
There were not many people who texted me, I played games with Max on our TV, social media just made me angry, my internet was usually too slow for google maps or something similar, I was too broke to order take out and I was not much a fan of making phone calls anyway, remember?  
But it would come in handy right now!  
I could call the police or somebody!  
Let people know where I went?   
Would people care where I went?  
I had just come to terms with being here and treating this as a welcome adventure, I was not ready for another change of plans at the moment.  
But Miranda and Paul Herford didn’t need to know that. And if I ever decided that I was done with this, I could call somebody to help me escape.  
I felt stupid for not thinking about this before. My dad would call me a classic Millennial for not thinking of making a phone call. Right here in this room on the small night stand between the beds, was a landline for Christ’s sake (not that I was going to use it, it was useless to me, I did not know any phone numbers by heart not even my own, but it could have been a hint to me).  
So, yes, my phone would be useful.   
I wanted it back.  
„Yeah, sure, that was totally what I was looking for!“, I said and reached out for it, „Thank you for holding on to it for me, Miranda!“  
„I’m afraid you can’t have it back just yet.“  
„And why is that?“, I tried to sound unsuspicious and super causal while sitting down on my bed.  
„Well, we still can’t be sure if you are not a spy for the AML.“, she said.  
I could not help but laugh. „I don't even know what the ATM is!“  
„The AML, Chloe. And I admit that it is a little far fetched of me to think that they recruited you and then set you up to come here with us and report back to them but we have to be extra careful. And even if you’re not involved with them, I worry you’d try to escape and get yourself, and us, in more danger. You’ll get your phone back, but not now.“

I started to become angry again. The fact, that I just calmed down a little and now had to be angry again, fueled my anger even more.   
There was no way I could rip my my phone from Miranda’s hands, she was much stronger than I was.   
So I did the only thing I could do and the one thing I was good at: I redirected my anger.  
„Fine“, I said passive aggressively while I began to look for a toothbrush again.  
After a brief moment of silence for dramatic effect I continued: „You must have really messed things up Paul. I mean.. You had to rescue a person you didn’t really know even though she might be a spy. And Miranda… she seems to have to beat people up for you a lot and to have to lie to people she loves about why she can’t spend time with them…“, I looked up at Miranda. „I hope he’s worth it.“

„That’s not fair“, Paul whispered.  
„Really? Funny you should say that, because I think you two are not being fair. I’m stuck here with you and I don’t have any money or a phone, or a car, which means I can’t go anywhere andtherefore will continue to be stuck with you for the foreseeable future and you don't even have the curtesy to tell me why that is and what’s going on! I think that’s the least you could do: explain to me why I am here. Why you ripped me away from my life. Why I am in danger. But no, let’s ignore Chloe and don’t answer any of her questions because she is a risk! She might run away! She might be spying for a thing she has never heard of! No, our concerns are so much more important than hers.“ My voice became louder with every word I said. In the end of my tirade, that was longer than I expected it to be, I was nearly screaming. Somewhere during my outburst I had stood up from my bed and was now standing in front of them, my hands clenched to fists.

They both looked at me in astonishment.  
Then Paul Herford turned to Miranda.   
„She is right. We should tell her. She has earned her right to know.“  
„No, absolutely not.“ Miranda shook her head.  
„Come on Miranda, what’s the worst that can happen? She’s right, she cannot go anywhere, she cannot talk to anybody….“  
Miranda still did not look convinced so Paul Herford added: „Maybe her reaction will tell us if she’s a spy? Because if she is…. She should know about me and my kind.“  
You know what’s amazing? That even after I screamed at them they were still not talking to me, just to each other.  
Hello?  
I’m in the room, too?  
After another brief moment of consideration, Miranda gave in.  
„Ok, fine. Tell her about you. But nothing more!“  
Paul Herford nodded and finally looked at me.   
„I hope you are ready for this, Chloe!“  
Was I ready for this.  
Was I ready for this?   
Was he serious?  
I just told them I wanted to know what was happening.   
„Yeah, yeah I am?!“


	9. Please, let there be mermaids

 

He took a deep breath. „Chloe- I am a vampire.“  
…

Well.  
That was a bit of a let down, was is not?  
I for one had hoped that he was some sort of spy for a government or even better, a former spy gone rouge, a kind of anti James Bond, uncovering corruption, exposing politicians and regimes, sticking it to the man, while not going through women like I was going through black leggings (somebody should invent leggings that do not easily tear by the way, thanks).

But he was just insane.  
Plain and simple.  
Insane and delusional.  
I hoped that I was politically correct with this, but that is what he was.

That was too bad.  
I had secretly hoped for an epic adventure full of secrets and action.  
I had secretly hoped that I had been sucked into something that would change the world.  
But I was just stuck here with an insane person.  
I did not really know how to react to this.   
It was my first time interacting with somebody so delusional.. that I knew of.   
I looked over to Miranda to get any clues as how to conduct myself from her.  
She still sat on her bed and she looked completely serious.

I remembered hearing somewhere that you should play along to insane people’s delusions to not upset them.  
So I tried to stay as calm as possible, nodded and said very slowly: „Of course you are. Thank you for telling me.“   
I winked at Miranda and mouthed ‚Of course he is‘ in her direction before I turned around to look for my still missing toothbrush again.   
I might be stuck with an insane person who was on the run from who knows whom for who knows what, but hygiene was still important.  
„So… you believe me?“, Paul Herford asked with cautious excitement in his voice.  
„No, she does not.“; Miranda answered in my place.  
„Yes I do. I believe everything. You guys are vampires.“, I used the same slow voice as before, still rummaging for my toothbrush.  
I somehow did not dare to look up.  
„No, Chloe, Miranda is human, but I am not! Please believe me? Please?“  
For somebody who did not put a lot of effort into letting me know what was going on, he sure was desperate to convince me now.  
I just nodded, my eyes still focused on my belongings.  
„I am telling you the truth I swear!“, Paul Herford took me by the shoulder and tried to turn me around so that I was facing him.  
That exhausted my patience. I could not pretend to be okay with this anymore.

„Honey, you’re not a vampire!“, I said annoyed while pushing him and his hands away from me, „Vampires aren't real! And even if they were you could not possibly be one! You can be in the sunlight and stuff, I saw it the day we first met.“  
„That is not how vampirism works! It’s one of many misconceptions you know!“  
I had never seen him so agitated. His face was red and his eyes wide.  
„So how does it work then? Do something a vampire would do!“, I mocked.   
„Because there are so many misconceptions, it will be hard to do that.“  
„I just hear excuses!“, I hissed and brought my face very close to his, „But fine, the next time somebody attacks us, you can just suck their blood and get rid of them and make it easier for us, maybe that will convince me?“  
„Vampires have not eaten people in a long time, we don’t need the nutrition from the blood anymore since we perfected gluten free and lactose free food.“ Paul was clearly uncomfortable with having my angry face so close to his but he did not back away.  
„You’re not making sense, but fine.“, I sat down on my bed again, „If you don’t want to eat somebody, I cannot force you to kill somebody, can I? Well. Turn into a bat then.“ I stared at him expectantly.  
He shook his head, defeated. „I’m real, not some myth, Chloe.“  
„You know“, I crossed my legs and pretended to be thinking really hard, „I don’t know if you’re making fun of me or if you’re trying to feed me lame excuses to distract me from what is really going on, or if you’re just delusional. I’m thinking the latter, in case you were wondering.“   
Miranda seemed like she thought about saying something but now, for once, it was my turn to just ignore her and continue as if she was not here.  
„For all I know you ran away from the psychiatric facilities and those bodyguards just want to get you back there for your own protection. And even better: What if they were looking for me to protect me from you?“  
Paul Herford was clearly at the end of his wits and turned to Miranda.  
„Help?“, he asked.  
She shook her head. „You wanted to tell her. Deal with it.“  
He looked back at me.  
I raised an eyebrow.  
„I want to prove it to you!“, he said.  
„Cool! Just as long as you don’t eat me!“  
„I told you, we don’t eat people anymore. At least we of the CotC don’t.“  
Now that we were in a sharing mood, here at delusional HQ, I decided to find out what one of those annoying acronyms meant.   
„What is this CotC you seem to be taking about so much?“  
„The Children of the Crown!“ When he saw that I still had metaphorical question marks all across my face he added: „The followers of Queen Eliza, the first and hopefully only!“  
There was a queen now?  
I cupped my face with my hands and shook my head.   
This answer did not help me at all.  
That was when Miranda decided to chime in. „I think you’re making it worse, Paul.“  
She bit her lip, clearly to hold back laughter.  
What was funny about his?  
„Miranda, you did not believe me when I first told you, right? But you said you were convinced that I was telling the truth after we went to the nutrition for vampires symposium for ‚ELIZA weekly‘ in Rome that time, right? You said seeing a lot of us together, listening to our stories and conversations helped you believe? Maybe Chloe will be convinced when we are at the hot spot, when she can meet more of us?“ Hope had returned to Paul Herefords face.  
I could not say the same thing about mine. The hot spot, the two had told me, was supposed to be a safe place. I had assumed that that had meant safe from being tracked down and being attacked by more bodyguards, a place that offered protection. But apparently it meant a safe space for people who shared the same delusions as Paul Herford. A place where they could live them and be themselves.  
Not that there is anything wrong with that, everyone deserves a safe space, I just was not sure if that was the place to be for me. In a very unselfish way you could say, that me being there and doubting them, made their safe space unsafer.   
Miranda’s answer interrupted my thoughts. „After Rome I told you that I believed you….“  
Paul raised his eyebrows: „But?“  
„But, I didn’t. Back then, I had similar thoughts to those Chloe has now. I just wanted you to shut up about it already so I told you what you wanted to hear.“  
„You lied to me?“, Paul said like she just shattered his whole world.  
She in return did not seem to feel guilty about it. „It seemed like the best thing to do at the time.“  
„But you believe me now, don’t you?“  
„Yes, of course!“  
„Then what convinced you?“  
„When that dude from the AML tortured me to find out more about you, I’d say that that was pretty eye opening.“  
„You had been working for me for five years already when that happened! And all this time you though I was crazy?“  
Miranda nodded. „You needed a bodyguard, I was your bodyguard, no questions asked. I was saving for college and later Michael and I were saving for a house, I needed the job.“  
Paul Herford looked defeated again. „What now? We can’t have Chloe be tortured by the AML now, can we?“  
I thought that it was time now to remind them that I was still here and maybe finally find out what the AML was, the both of them seemed to be so obsessed with.   
„And the AML is…..?“, I asked.  
„The Anti Monarchy League.“, they answered in unison. 

Something clicked. In my head I had just made a connection. Did Paul not say that there was a Queen of some sorts earlier?  
„So those bodyguards who were following me today, they work for the AML?“  
They nodded.  
„And they are against this Queen person, you mentioned?“  
They nodded again.  
„And this Queen is a vampire, too?“  
„Yes.“, Paul said.  
„So the AML is not only anti Queen but also anti vampire? And what do they want you for? Medical testing or something?“, at least, that was what all mythical creatures were afraid of in moves and books. „Why would they need especially you, then? You say there is more of you, could they not take any other vampire walking around?“  
I still was not convinced about Paul Herford’s vampirism, but I had decided, for the sake of getting answers, to play along with it.   
„No, they are vampires, too. Not the agents who came after you tonight, those were human and very inexperienced I might add, they often hire humans to do smaller tasks for them in exchange for the promise of immortality.“, Paul explained.  
I was not sure I could follow all of this.  
„So… If you are a vampire… and they are vampires… Then what do they want from you?“  
Miranda stood up. „Maybe we should talk about this another time.“  
„What? Why?“ Paul Herford and I exclaimed at the same time. Much to my surprise, he seemed as unhappy about Miranda’s try to put a stop to this conversation as I was.   
„It’s what I meant in the beginning. It’s too dangerous. The only thing that kept you more or less safe all these years, Paul, is that the AML is not a hundred percent sure about you. If you now tell her and confirm it…. Let’s just say that could be it for you.“   
„So you still think I’m a spy.“, I said a little disappointed.  
„No not really, but they might have followed us or found a way to listen to us or something, I just want to be extra careful.“  
I could not help myself but to look sad.  
She smiled at me. „Be a little more patient and we’ll tell you, Chloe, I promise.“  
Patience was not my strong suit. I wanted to know now.  
„What if….“, I paused for thought, „What if he tells me what they think he did? He would not confirm anything. Just tell me what they already know about themselves.“  
„Oh crafty, I like that!“, Paul Herford clapped his hands excitedly, „Can we Miranda, please?“  
She rolled her eyes and sighed, but could not help but laugh. „Fine! But I have one condition.“  
„Le’s hear it!“, he said.  
„This will be your last question for tonight Chloe. We are all tired. Ask this and we’re going to bed.“  
„But… I have so many questions left! And I’m still not convinced of this whole vampire thing!“  
„It’s your choice. We could continue to convince you and answer more not so severe questions, or we tell you ‚what they think he did‘“, she used air quotes, „ And go to sleep after.“  
I did not like my options. I wanted both!  
But when Miranda said something, Paul tended to listen. If she said this would be my last question then it would be. Paul would not answer after that, i was pretty sure of it.  
So i guess I had to go with this ultimatum.  
I wanted to know so much more… Why did the AML hate the Queen, for example. If Paul said, there were so many misconceptions about vampires, then what was true? I manly wanted to know this so that I could make him do something vampire like. I kind of wanted to believe him. I wanted the world to be a more fantastical place then I thought it was. Maybe fairies also existed? Or werewolves? Or mermaids? Please let there be mermaids!   
Those were all questions I could ask…  
But I wanted to know why I was in this situation in the first place. The thought had not left me alone since the beginning of this journey. And I was pretty tired… All signs pointed to me having to spend more time with them in the near future, I would have plenty of opportunities asking all those other questions I had. They could be great conversation starters to interrupt an awkward silence.   
It was decided.  
I wanted to know what was going on.  
„I want to know why they are after you. What do they think you did?“  
„They think that I found a way to turn humans into vampires.“, Paul Herford said.  
I frowned.  
„But… don’t you have to just bite a human or feed them your blood and kill them or something to make them a vampire?“  
He shook his head. „I told you, most rumors about vampires are not true!“  
I wanted to say something more but, yet again, Miranda was quicker.  
„That was your last question Chloe. Now. You said you weren’t done in the bathroom yet?“  
Right.  
I decided to let it go. I had plenty to think about anyway.  
„Yes, I was looking for a toothbrush.“  
„Here, take my spare.“, Miranda fished a toothbrush, still in it’s packaging, out of her bag, „And take the toothpaste too while you’re at it:“  
I thanked her, went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and changed my shirt. My head was buzzing with thoughts, doubts and excitement. I thought I might have trouble falling asleep after all of the ups and downs from today, but I fell asleep as soon as my face hit the yellow pillow of my murder motel bed. 

**  
**


	10. I'm an adventurous person now

 

I dreamed that I was very tiny and trapped in a mouth. All the teeth around me were in the shape of fangs and somehow all of them had Paul Herford’s face. They danced and laughed and tired to escape the mouth with lots of giggles and screaming. The only thing stopping them was a little Miranda, who was running around putting all the fangs back into their place. When she saw me, she screamed: „Over here, Chloe, quick!“, and tried to hold the mouth open for me while hindering the Paul Herford fangs from jumping out the opening. I tired to run into her direction but somehow I could not move my legs. I looked down to see what was stopping me. I was standing on a tongue which, much to my shock, had Max’s face. „Nobody loves you, Chloe“, he said with a deep, slow voice, that made the whole mouth shake and scared the fangs out of their minds who started screaming and clinging on to each other.  
I started to panic and, much to my relief, woke up as a result of it.  
  
I looked around.  
I was the first one to be awake.  
Right next to me Paul Herford was lying on his floor bed in the fetal position, hugging his blanket that was stuck between his legs and under his head. I thought he looked very peaceful in his light blue pajamas.  
Miranda on the other hand was lying on her back, her pillows and blanket neatly around her, like she just gone to bed and did not dare to move, her hair still in the ponytail.   
I did not have a phone and this room did not have a clock or windows, so I had no clue to what time it was. I could have been asleep for four minutes or four hours. Well, even if it had been the four minutes, that seemed to have been enough for me.  
I was wide awake.  
  
I did not want to wake the others and I also did not want to lay around here and wait until they woke up by themselves, so I decided to escape to the bathroom again.  
Regarding the fact that my evil flower t- shirt was the only not so terrible thing Miranda had stuffed into my suitcase, I would wear it again. I had just changed into it before going to sleep so it would work for at least another day. As quietly as possible I searched for a new underwear and once i found a clean pair of underpants, black leggings and the bra I had worn yesterday, I tiptoed into the bathroom.  
This time I thought of bringing a towel and a toothbrush.  
  
A look in the mirror confirmed what I had already assumed: I looked terrible. I had marks from my pillow all over my face, my eyes were super small and swollen from sleep and my hair was greasy and stood up from my head in every direction.   
Maybe a shower would fix things. I found complementary soap and shampoo in the shower tray.   
Perfect.  
The warm water somehow comforted me after my nightmare. I had not realized how tensed up I had been until I felt my body relax.  
I decided to scrub all the negative experiences off me.  
This would be the start of my new life as an adventurous person.

An adventurous person who would go to a place where vampires met or an adventurous person that was going to meat a lot of crazy people?   
I still was not sure.   
But I was kind of excited.   
This would be the most interesting thing that had happened to me in probably my entire life.   
And I would embrace it.  
I was adventurous now.  
And if it became too much for me, they would most likely have a bathroom for me to hide in, too.   
The soap and shampoo were of a muddy brown, like everything else in this hole of a motel. They also did not smell great. I thought that somebody might just have mixed some sand with water and put it in okay looking bottles to safe money, instead of investing in actual soap.  
But isn’t mud supposed to be good for your skin?  
i closed my eyes and put a handful of shampoo on my wet hair.   
i was an adventurous person now.  
I enjoyed the warmth of the water a little while longer, until my hands were all wrinkly and the water turned cold for seconds at a time.  
No idea, how long I had been here but maybe the others would be awake by now.   
I turned the shower off, put my cloths back on, wrapped my hair in the towel and brushed my teeth.I wiped the steam off the mirror to look at my face. Still not great, but much better.  
With a feeling of success I went back.

As I had hoped, the others were awake now.  
Miranda walked up and down along the wall with the door, staring at her phone in her hand. Every now and then she held it up in the air like she was looking for better reception. She was already dressed in the black blazer and jeans, which appeared to be some sort of uniform for her. Not a hair on her head was out of place, her ponytail still looking perfect. How did she do that?  
Paul Herford sat crosslegged on his floor bed, his hair flat on the side of his head he laid on, still looking a little disorientated from just waking up.   
„Chloe!“, he said, yawning, „we thought you might have tried to run away for a second there!“  
„Never thought that!“, Miranda added, not looking up from her phone.  
„No…“ I made a vague motion with my hands, „I don’t have the necessary wilderness skills to survive on my own…“  
„Glad to hear that!“ Paul grinned. „Are you done in there?“ He pointed in the direction of the bath room.  
I nodded.  
„Don’t mind if I do then!“, he jumped up, got a towel and disappeared behind the closed door.  
I walked over to my bed and started to dry my hair with the towel.  
The silence that was now in the room felt weird.  
The only thing I could hear were Miranda’s footsteps and the running water from the shower.  
I found myself wanting Paul Herford to be done showering. I hadn’t realized that he had somehow acted as a buffer between Miranda and myself.  
I really felt like I should say something but I did to know what. So I just continued to dry my hair for as long as I could.  
But after a while that was awkward as well.  
I put the towel back on the table and sat down on my bed, desperately thinking of a conversation starter that would not involve the controversial vampire topic from last night, I did not want a discussion about what I could know and not know first thing in the morning.  
But Miranda made life easier for me by breaking the silence first.   
„Finally.“, she looked up from her phone, „I don’t know what’s worse the wifi here or my mobile connection. It took me forever to find the route to the next hot spot from here.“  
„But you have it now?“, I asked, feeling silly for not being able to think of something more relevant and less obvious.  
She nodded. „We’ll be there in about six hours if we don’t run into traffic or AML agents.“

She walked across the room back to her bag and started to look through it. „Okay…I have the credit cards, rice crackers for Paul, phone charger, emergency tampons and in case we don’t find toilets while on the road: tissues and hand sanitizer. Now. Did I forget anything?“  
I was not sure if she was just thinking out loud or if she was actually asking me, but I heard myself say: „What about breakfast?“  
Miranda looked at me like she just remembered that I was in the room. I felt silly for bringing it up but now that I said it, I realized how hungry I was.   
I did not have dinner last night.  
„Right, food! Thanks, Chloe, for reminding me.“, she sounded genuine, at least I could not detect any sarcasm in her voice.  
She sat down on her bed. „There should be snacks in one of the boxes in the trunk but maybe we should eat something more resembling an actual meal before we hit the road, what do you say?“  
I nodded.   
„Great! What are you in the mood for then?“, she asked.  
This was an important question. Not only did Miranda care about what I had to say for once but deciding what to eat is always the most important decision of any day.   
I wasn’t really in the mood for something sweet, I was craving dinner food.  
„I don’t know….Pizza?“, I said.  
„Pizza it is.“ She agreed.  
„Really?“ I was surprised. Miranda did not seem like the person who would allow pizza for breakfast. I had expected her to tell me to not be ridiculous and then hand me a banana or an orange.  
She started to look for something in the drawer of the night stand. „The cool thing about pizza is, that Paul can’t eat it because of his allergies. Ah there it is.“ She pulled a laminated sheet of paper out of one of the drawers. It looked like a list of phone numbers.  
„Maybe we should order a bunch of them, then we can eat the leftovers on the road?“  
I nodded.  
„What toppings do you want?“  
„Eh… nothing with tuna or pineapple.“  
„No pineapple? Good choice.“, she picked up the landline and dialed a number from the sheet she found. While she was waiting for somebody to answer, she grinned at me. „Paul will be so pissed!“  
She seemed so happy and excited by the thought that I could not help myself but giggle. 

I found it comforting that even the responsible Miranda, who appeared to do everything for her boss, seemed to engage in small acts of revenge if she was annoyed by him one in a while.  
After a couple more seconds somebody answered.   
„Hello, lobby? This is Miranda Hernandez, room 206,I was wondering if you could order a couple of pizzas for me? Yes? Great! Yes, just charge it to the room, i’ll pay at checkout. Yes, I’ll hold.“ After a brief moment of silence I heard somebody speak at the other end of the line again. Miranda listened and then covered the phone with her free hand and said to me: „The pizza place only has margheritas at this time of day.“  
„That’s okay isn’t it?“, I asked.  
„Okay, I would like three of those, please. Great! No, I’ll pick them up when I check out, I was about to leave soon anyway. Thank you so much Brianna, bye!“  
She hung up. „They’ll be here in about half an hour and I’ll pick them up in the lobby. I did not want more people to see me….They must be wondering what I want with three pizzas, I told them I was here alone!“, she laughed.

Miranda seemed to be in a good mood today even though we were still on the run and on top of that had to deal with the inconvenience of not getting pizza directly to our doorstep.   
All in the name of security…. Speaking of security….  
„Is Miranda Hernandez your real name?“, I asked.  
„Yes, why?“  
„I thought we might be here under a fake name… you know, like they are in the movies when they hide from something?“  
Miranda laughed. „Do you know how many Miranda Hernandezes are running around out there? It will take them much longer to check every single one of them then all the Alma Ringlebert- O’Larawitzes.“  
I raised an eyebrow.  
„Paul’s suggestion.“, she said.  
„Ah.“ That made sense.

A high pitched scream came out of the bathroom.  
Alerted by the noise, Miranda jumped to her feet almost immediately.  
„You okay in there?“, she shouted in the direction of the bathroom.  
With a little delay Paul Herford answered with a thin voice: „The water turned cold!“  
Miranda rolled her eyes and sat back down.  
I laughed.  
  
After we had gathered our things and had put them back in the trunk, Paul Herford and I were waiting in the car for Miranda to come back from check out.   
Paul Herford was sill in shock from the cold water attacking him and he had not shut up about his terrible experience ever since he got out of the bathroom.  
He was sitting in the front seat, wearing a grey, knitted pullover, still going on and on about it.   
I had stopped listening to him about ten minutes ago but the sound of his voice still annoyed me.  
Miranda came back shortly before I started to plan his murder.   
Good for him.  
She opened the door to the back seats and put the pizza boxes next to me. The smell coming from them was amazing.  
Paul stared at the boxes and when Miranda sat down in the drivers seat he asked: „You bought pizza?“  
„Yes! Chloe and I were hungry.“ She fastened the seatbelt and started the engine.  
„You are very mean Miranda. I thought we were friends.“  
„Ah don’t be silly, you still have your rice crackers.“  
„Mpfh.“ He crossed his arms and stared out of the window.   
She and I looked at each other in the rearview mirror and grinned.  
When we were leaving the parking lot and I looked back at the murder motel, that looked even darker and browner in the light of the rising sun, I realized that I would miss this place.  
„Say bye to the Motel, Paul“, Miranda said in a voice that I would chose to speak to children, grabbed Paul Herford’s arm and moved it in a waving motion.  
He freed his arm from her and, if possible, stared out of the window even harder.

He really made a point of ignoring her.  
Miranda had not exaggerated when she said he would be pissed.  
„You not ready for a road trip?“, she mocked and poked him with her elbow.  
He continued to ignore her.  
„Chloe, you ready for a roadtrip?“, Miranda asked and sounded like the announcer of a boxing match.  
„Yes!“, I answered enthusiastically and I was not even lying. I was ready for the adventure to come.  
„Well, then we need some music!“, she said in the same announcer voice and turned the radio on.  
A flawless 5 song was playing.  
She turned the radio off again.  
I really started to like Miranda.

 

**  
**


	11. Garlic, Biology and other Misconceptions

Once we were on the highway and Miranda had eaten one and a half pizzas, Paul Herford graciously decided not to ignore us anymore.

„When are we there?“, he asked clearly trying to sound indifferent.  
„In about five hours.“, Miranda answered. „Have you decided to stop pouting?“  
„No?“ After a brief moment of consideration he added: „Yes? Wait, I was never pouting!“  
Miranda giggled. „Yeah, right.“  
„What exactly are we going to do there when we arrive?“, I wanted to know.  
„Well, fist and foremost we are going there to be safe. We will stay there until we have figured out if the AML agents are still on to us. If they are, we’ll stay as long as necessary and have the people there help us. If they aren’t, we’ll need to find other living arrangements for Paul. And we have to figure out what to do with you, Chloe. If it’s safe for you to go home.“, Miranda answered.  
„I also will have to give a message to the queen.“, Paul Herford said like he was not looking forward to this, „They found us quicker this time, again. They are getting better at finding us. She needs to know that.“  
„And you are important to her because of the knowledge you supposedly have? The turning humans into vampires thing?“  
He nodded and sighed. „Yeah, kind of….“  
„I always thought that would be easy to do.“, I unintentionally interrupted him, but I was really curious about this. All I knew, what pop culture had taught me about this process, was, that it took one bite and voila, you were a vampire. Some TV- Shows had you die after you were bitten to finalize the vampirism but nothing more complicated than that.  
Some fictional vampires seemed to have a moral problem with turning humans. Edmund from the Dawn- books for example, who had fallen in love with Dawn, a high school girl, and loved her so much that he did not want to compromise her soul by biting and turning her, and so he left her. The books were very sad because Dawn, apparently having been subjected to the thought that only male attention gave women their ultimate worth, killed herself after he broke up with her. They were so popular and over romanticized, that we had to address them in school assemblies, because some girls had threatened to commit suicide after they had read them.

But a moral conflict a single vampire had, did not make the process of turning humans into one of them harder.  
Paul Herford shook his head. „Luckily it’s much harder than just like… bite somebody.“  
Miranda cleared her throat.  
He corrected himself: „Luckily it seems to be much harder than just biting somebody for example, otherwise we’d all be vampires by now.“  
„But why? Why isn’t it easy?“  
„Well, have you ever tried turning a gorilla into a chimpanzee? My kind technically are humanoids, but our DNA is different from the average human’s.“  
I did not know much about biology and DNA but I did not want him to know that.  
I did not want to seem stupid.  
I wanted him to continue to tell me things and I felt like the way to do that was to seem like a competent listener.  
An equal in the conversation, you could tell things to.  
So I decided it was best to pretend that I knew what he was talking about. I also wanted to be sure, just in case this was all just in his head, that he thought I believed him.  
I tried to think of a smart question.  
„So if you say that you are humanlike…. Does this mean that humans and vampires can have babies together?“  
He shook his head. „Our chromosome count doesn’t match well enough for this to work out. Many have tried. Horrible experiments.“  
Damn.  
This question just got me deeper into biology territory.  
I needed to get out of there, to a topic, I knew more about.  
Maybe it was best to change it all together.  
„You said, at the place were we’re going to usually are a lot of you?“  
Paul Herford nodded.  
„If I am honest, I am a little worried to meet so many vampires… I wonder if it is safe for a human?“  
I actually was not worried at all.  
I was an adventurous risk taker now, remember?  
But it seemed like a safe topic to discuss.  
„Don’t worry, it’ll be perfectly safe for you. Vampires, especially CotC vampires, haven’t drunk human blood for ages now.“

He turned around to look at me, and despite my best efforts I must have looked worried, because he added: „We don’t need to anymore. We had to, way back when we were not able to process human food. Our biology is a little different from yours you know, our digestion works a little different and so on. For a long time, human blood was the only way we could take in all the nutrients we need to survive without slowly starving to death. And then one day a very smart person discovered that we could eat normally if we avoided gluten and lactose and other ingredients like peanuts and with that we stopped the blood drinking.“  
That had brought us back to the topic of biology.  
But I had so many questions that just I needed to have answered, in spite of worrying of seeming incompetent: „Okay firstly, was this very smart person you?“  
He just grinned.   
„Secondly, if you guys were starving that must mean that you can die? And thirdly I noticed you don’t have those long fangs movie vampires always have? Is it because you don’t need them anymore?“  
„I don’t know if we can starve to death, most of the vampires who did not want to eat humans and suffered from starvation decided to end their lives themselves before we could find out if they would have died of natural causes. And maybe you can understand why we won’t do experiments regarding this.“  
„But you can die by a wooden stake through your hart or decapitation?“, I interjected. Those were the ways suggested by books and movies if you wanted to kill a vampire.  
„Well, yeah, but anybody would die if you staked them or chopped their heads off, right, this is not a vampire specific weakness. All lifeforms share the problem of not being able to survive without a head or a hart. Or if you set them on fire, I might add.“  
He paused, while I was processing the new information and waited if i had follow up questions. When I stayed silent he continued: „And to the issue of our fangs: we never had them. A couple of centuries ago, some people noticed that it was easier to just bite a person than kill them and drain their blood afterwards. Less messy you know… So they sharpened their teeth to look like fangs. It became a fashion trend. Those were strange times….“ He laughed and shook his head, like he just remembered something.   
I was just about to ask him how old he was (he must have been alive for some time if he remembered something that happened a couple of centuries ago) when a phone buzzed.  
„I think that was mine, can you get it from my bag and see who it was?“, Miranda asked.  
„Sure thing!“ Paul Herford started to look through her bag, which stood on the floor between his feet.

„Found it!“, he looked at the screen, „It’s a text from your loving husband, Michael!“  
„What does it say?“  
„I don’t know, it’s in Spanish.“  
„Aw!“, Miranda lifted one hand form the steering wheel and placed it on her heart. „Isn’t he the cutest?“  
„So his Spanish lessons are going well then?“, Paul Herford asked.  
„Yes, very well! The other day he had a full conversation with my mom in Spanish! I have never been prouder!“  
They continued to talk about Michael and Miranda’s family and just like that, I was back to being ignored.   
Great.  
Just when I thought I was getting somewhere with them, something had to remind me, that I was still just an outsider.  
I did not want to listen to them so I looked for something that would occupy my time until they were done.  
I was about to take another slice of Pizza, just out of boredom, when I noticed a newspaper underneath the boxes. I pulled it out and saw, that it was the issue of ‚ELIZA weekly‘ Paul Herford had read yesterday.   
I remembered the research i put into finding out about the paper after my first meeting with Miranda and and Paul Herford.  
I just now made the connection, that the monarchy, the conspiracy nuts on the internet accused ‚ELIZA weekly‘ to be propaganda for, was the one that, to my knowledge, ruled the vampires.  
And I understood how they got to this idea, the paper was named after the queen herself afterall.  
On the first page was a big picture of a pair of hands that were formed to some sort of bowl, like they were offering something. In the space they were creating laid a huge head of garlic.  
The headline read: ‚Queen defends decision to endorse garlic!‘  
I was intrigued and decided to read the whole article underneath the garlic hands.  


> _Queen defends decision to endorse garlic_  
>  _On Monday, Queen Eliza our first and hopefully only Queen we will ever have, defended her endorsement of garlic._  
>  _„The decision has not been easy for her“, said Lara DelMar, one of the Queen’s spokespeople „but she is certain she made the right choice. All the scientific evidence points to garlic being actually good for our community. Nothing indicated that consuming it would have repercussions on people’s health by any means.“_  
>  _Last month’s endorsement, was supposed to end a century long dispute between the ‚pro garlic‘ and ‚pro health‘ groups. Instead, the conflict appears to have been fueled, as both sides seem to be even more motivated, now, that the Queen has taken a side._  
>  _„The endorsement means a lot to me, to all of us!“, said Larissa Boaccelli, the chairperson of the ‚pro garlic‘ movement, „Now that the Queen is on our side, the right side, our movement finally got the credit it deserved. We the hope that, as a result of the Queen speaking out, the fear of garlic and the garlic hate will finally calm down and eventually stop. We will continue advocating for garlic until even the last person is convinced of it being healthy.“_  
>  _The ‚pro health‘ groups, who claim that garlic will affect our kind’s brains and eventually turn us into humans, were less excited about the developments. „We are sad to hear that the Queen has been fooled by the lies the so called scientist have put in her hear.“, reads the official statement, the office of the ‚pro health’ groups’ head, Joe Jackson, has put out last week. „We want to remind everyone that the studies the Queen based her decision on were falsified and payed for by Boaccelli and her minions. We want to ask all the sane individuals, the ones not so easily fooled, to forgive the Queen and remind her, that garlic is bad for us. Together we can convince her to join us on the right side.“_  
>  _Jackson, who has been heading the ‚pro health‘ movement for more than four decades now, has asked his followers to join him in protest in front of the palace next Tuesday._  
>  _Pro garlic protests will take place at the same time._  
>  _For more information on the studies and scientific evidence both sides present, please turn to page 9._  
> 

I stopped reading.  
I guess every species had it’s idiots with their idiot conspiracies and their idiot claims.  
I just could not decide if that was a comforting or a depressing thought.  
„Anything interesting?“, Paul Herford had turned around in his seat again.  
I closed the paper. „With all the misconceptions there apparently are when it comes to vampires, it seems like at least some of them really hate garlic?“  
He groaned and rolled his eyes. „This is so stupid I can’t hear this anymore. The whole conflict, wether or not garlic was good or bad started forever ago, when some vampire guy fell in love with some garlic farmer’s or garlic merchant’s wife. And when the farmer-merchant-person would not give her up, the vampire guy threatened to boycott him. And that’s what he did. He told all his vampire friends that garlic was bad for us and that we should not buy it. And centuries later, the rumors and lies are reality for some people. So annoying. I eat a lot of garlic. It’s fine.“   
„So you think the Queen made the right decision by endorsing it?“  
„Yes! I actually encouraged her to do it after I used garlic in one of my recipes in my column for the paper. The pro health movement sent me threats after it was published. Idiots.“  
„So it’s a kind of half the truth that vampires are afraid of garlic?“  
„Sadly, yes. Even tough we don’t have to be.“  
„So what about the other things?“  
„What other things?“  
„Like…. How come you can be in the sunlight?“  
Paul laughed. „Once upon a time our existence was not as big of a secret as it is now. Well, i guess it’s not really a secret now, but more people used to believe us because they saw us bite people and drink their blood, you know? Anyway. We used to gather to discuss our vampire specific problems like, how can we avoid killing people? What is the best way to drink blood? Stuff like that. And we used to do this in the evenings after work, we would go to a pub or something. So people started to think that we were only able to be outside when it was dark but the truth is that we just did not have free time to meet and hang out during the day.“  
This almost made sense to me.   
„What about crosses and churches? Can you go into churches? Will crosses repel you?“  
He thought about my questions for a while, trying to find the right way to answer them.  
„I told you, that some vampires ended their lives when they did not find an alternative to human blood right? Well, some of them did the opposite of that and went on a killing spree when the hunger became too much for them to handle. It was during a time when society was still heavily influenced by the church. When the monasteries were land owners and powerful men in high up the ranks of the church could influence kings and queens by telling them the devil would get them if they went against their advice or whatever. Most of the citizens back then were devoted christians and vampires were no exception. Those of us who felt guilty for having to drink human blood and then ended up killing thousands of them, felt especially bad when they were reminded of their sins in the face of God. So they started to avoid churches and christian symbols.“  
„So another thing that is kind of true?“  
„You could say that. Most things kind of just spun out of control over time.“  
„And the idea that a bite would turn a human into one of you? Did that also just spin out of control?“  
„No.“, Paul Herford looked sad. „I think it was a coping mechanism for the relatives of a vampire bite victims. I think the thought that their loved one might live on in some other way was comforting for them.“  
I really wanted to know if he ever killed somebody.  
But I did not dare to bring it up.   
It seemed like something super personal to ask and I felt like we were not close enough for me to just spring it on him.  
And even more importantly: I was not sure I was ready to hear the answer.  
So instead I asked: „How comes vampires have the reputation of being promiscuous and kind of kinky?“  
Paul Herford’s eyes widened and he blushed a little. „Is that the reputation we have?“  
I nodded. „At least some moves and shows show you that way.“  
I did not know if i succeeded of asking something less personal.  
„That might be Eliza’s fault.“, said Miranda.  
He thought about this for a second before he answered. „You know what Miranda, you might be right.“  
„What did she do?“, I wanted to know.  
„Well….“, Paul Herford paused again to think, „When she first became Queen, she had to deal with a lot of people who were against her being the boss. The only thing that helped her to stay in power were allies. And back in the day you kept allies close by marrying them or marrying their offspring. So she married a bunch of people. We used to die pretty quickly back then, I don’t think that she expected to be married to them forever… And because a lot of people were against a woman being in power, she married a ton of powerful men’s daughters too, to show them that they are just worth as much as any son. Back in the day, being married to a lot of people at the same time was frowned upon, especially when about half of them were women. Maybe that is were the rumors come from.“  
I thought about it. This confused me and made sense to me at the same time.  
I decided to change the topic again.   
„What about photos and mirrors? Are you visible on them?“  
„Yes! As I said, back in the day our kind used to die pretty quickly. If we were not involved some human made war we had our own disputes or killed each other because of jealousy, greed all the usual motives you can think of. The same motives that has had humans killing each other for centuries. Once Queen Eliza put a stop to this and we learned more about our differences from the human race and found other ways to feed ourselves, we realized that we lived longer than the average human. So when photos became a thing, we made sure to avoid them. If humans burned women who were supposed to be witches alive, what would they say if they found out that we did not age? This was when we turned more and more to living a low key live, too. This has changed over the last couple years, because with the new technologies, we can always just say that something is photoshopped. Our kind became pretty selfie- crazy!“ He laughed.  
„And mirrors?“  
„I’m not sure, my guess is that some smart physicist did some calculations and determined that if we were not able to appear in photos we would not be able to appear in mirrors, too. And they might be right with that, I have no idea, but we are visible in photos so….“, he left his sentence unfinished.  
„So.. it is true that you guys are immortal?“  
„Well, that is a tough one to answer. We don’t die of natural causes, at least none that we know of. Our immune system is different from yours so we don’t really get sick. It takes us longer to become adults and at one point we just stop aging. And that point is different for everyone. There are bets in families to when their children stop aging. I stopped at thirty seven.“  
„So how old are you in human years?“  
„I don’t know, I stopped counting after 150.“   
„Yes, you know how old you are!“, Miranda said and poked him again with her elbow, „I want to know this myself, I have been wondering for years now.“  
„I don’t want to talk about it okay?“   
And with that he turned around and stared out of the window again.  
Miranda looked at me in the rearview mirror. „He is in the middle of his twentieth midlife crisis or something, I think!“  
I grinned.   
I somehow was comforted by the fact, that even people who seemed to have all the time in the world, also were not safe from having an existential crisis.


	12. Of Backstories and the Undecided

 

After Paul Herford had talked to me about typical vampire misconceptions, we stayed silent for most of the time.   
Miranda sang along to the radio once in a while or said something when she saw an animal on the side of the road or wanted another slice of pizza.  
Paul was still moping. He only opened his mouth to complain when he did not like the song that was on the radio.   
I had mostly been thinking about the new information I had learned. I still did not a hundred percent believe Paul Herford (even though I kind of wanted to).  
Everything he told me made sense somehow but the more I thought about it the louder became the little voice in the back of my head, that told me that everything was just a convenient excuse.   
I mainly had wanted to know all of this so that I had a chance to verify his claims somehow.  
Push him into the sunlight and see if he burns.  
Hold a mirror in front of his face and see if I can see him in there.  
Make him show me his fangs.  
Wave a cross or garlic around to see if he runs away.  
But apparently all of this was useless because none of these things were true about vampires.   
I did not know what to do.  
All I could do for now was believe him in good faith and see what happens and be patient.  
I sighed.  
I would not necessarily list patience and believing people as my strengths.  
The trees outside the window had become smaller and the sun was shining brightly.   
We had been on the road for a while now.   
Miranda’s hand sanitizer and tissues had come in handy a couple of times already, because other than the one time we had stopped for gas, she made a point of taking breaks from driving as far from civilization as possible.  
In the couple of hours we had been driving, I had counted forty-six cars total, seven of which had been driving in the same direction as us and had caused Miranda to assume that, in spite of all her efforts, we had been followed. Luckily it had been a false alarm every time.

A loud groaning sound curtesy of Paul Herford, released me from the spinning thoughts in my head.  
„I am changing the song, go back to sulking“, Miranda said automatically while her hand reached for the radio.   
„No, I am hungry this time“, he complained. It almost sounded like he was offended by Miranda misinterpreting his source of his misery.  
„Eat some more rice crackers.“, she suggested.  
„I ate them all.“  
„Really? I thought they’d last a little longer and you would not eat them all at once. You know… given the fact that you hate rice crackers.“  
„I am hungry“, he howled. It almost sounded like he was singing again.  
„All right, all right, calm down, we’re stopping next opportunity to see what’s in the trunk.“  
Paul Herford mumbled something to himself that I could not really understand, all I could make out was: „Calm down, easy for you to say you pizza eating traitor.“

Wow he was really mad.  
Maybe Hanger would be is wrestler name. I pictured the scenario in my head: ‚in the right corner with not enough pounds or muscles to be a wrestler, is Paul! He is hungry, he is angry, he is hangry! Beware of the Hanger as he is all consuming!‘   
What can I tell you, I was bored.  
A couple minutes later we left the highway and stopped at the edge of some nearby forest.   
The second the car was parked, Paul Herford threw himself out of the door and ran towards the trunk to find snacks.  
I decided that I would use the opportunity to stretch my legs and get some fresh air.

I got out of the car and leaned against the dark blue car door.  
The warm sunlight felt good on my face and even though I was not wearing a jacket, I was not cold.   
We must have driven south, it is usually warmer in the south is it not? The warmer climate would explain the smaller trees.  
But colder climate would also explain smaller trees.  
Well, what do I know, I’m still not a bad ass detective with smart ass detective skills.   
Maybe it was just a warm pre- winter day.

After a short while, Miranda joined me in my car- leaning endeavor.   
So we stood there in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, enjoying the sun, listening to Paul’s complaining while he was rummaging around the trunk.  
She stretched her arms over her head and yawned. „I think we should find a supermarket or something. I mostly packed snacks for him he doesn’t like so that he would have a reason not to inhale them all at once but I fear that if we don’t please the beast with something he loves he’ll cry. And we need water and maybe also something the two of us can eat?“’  
I nodded.   
That sounded reasonable.  
„So… vampires can cry?“, I asked.  
„Yes!“, Miranda answered, „But when they cry, they cry tears of blooood!“ She fletched her teeth and formed her hands to claws in front of her face.  
I rolled my eyes. „Haha“, I said, trying to sound as sarcastic as possible. 

But of course I could not be sure if she was joking. 

And I hated that.   
Before I could ask Miranda about it in a way, that would not expose me as somebody who did not understand jokes, Paul Herford slammed the trunk shut.  
„I’m done, we can go now“, he said and without another word he rushed back in the car, to his seat.  
„I guess we can go now.“, Miranda mocked his tone.  
I giggled and we followed him.  
He sat with crossed legs in his seat, a bag of popcorn in his lab.  
He stuffed a hand full of it in his mouth while saying „This is bad“, over and over again.  
Well, at least that is what I think he said, it was a little hard to understand him with his mouth full of food.

Miranda started the engine and soon we were on the highway again.   
Paul Herford repeated his popcorn routine a couple of times before Miranda could not just sit and watch anymore.

„I know you hate popcorn Paul, but I bet this is nothing compared to what you had to go through back in the day! Right, Chloe?“ She turned around for brief second to look at me and to give me an expectant nod.  
„Oh yeah, right, sure!“, I said, not sure of what I was supposed to do, „Back in the day, puh, that must have been rough!“

„It was….“ His words were full of self-pity.  
„Tell Chloe how, Paul!“  
„No, I don’t want to“, he sighed.   
Miranda turned around again, nodding at me encouragingly.  
„Please Paul, I’d like to hear-“  
„Did you know I grew up in the circus?“, he cut me off.  
Miranda formed an ‚O‘ with her thumb and index finger, like a diver, and held it over her shoulder just long enough for me to see.  
„I did not know that.“  
„Yes, yes….I guess you did not call it circus back then. My parents were conjurers, we moved a lot from one place to another…“ He stared reminiscently out of his window.  
I was about to say something but he just continued to talk.  
I think he was on a roll now.  
„I wanted to be a lawyer. My parents did not allow me to become one because people hated lawyers. That is ironic you know, people hated us, too! They thought we were thieves or possessed or both….And then my sister did the thing… And my parents were angry…. And that’s how I ended up in the army for King Charles the I.“  
I did not really understand what one thing had to do with the other and by the life of me, I could not fill in the steps and pieces he just skipped in his story.  
But Paul Herford and his thoughts seemed to be in a galaxy far far away. I thought it best to just let him talk and ask questions later, otherwise I’d risk him going back to the popcorn munching misery monster he had been before.  
„Those were the rough years of my childhood, I was just seventeen vampire years old at the time! So I ran away and traveled. I learned a lot. I fought a lot. It was rough Chloe, really rough.“  
He turned around to look at me, tears in his eyes.  
They were not bloody.

So Miranda had been joking.

Good to know.

I tried to make and empathetic face, that would encourage him to continue to talk.  
„When I made it back to them two centuries later, I finally was all grown-up. They were performers in an actual circus by then and I joined them for a while, but they were still mad, because of what my sister did, you know….?“  
I did not know.   
I was was more concerned with the fact, that it had apparently taken him two hundred years to become a grown up.  
I thought about how my puberty had seemed just as long to me. I could not wait to finally be an adult. But now, I wish I had had a childhood, that had lasted multiple centuries.   
Luckily, Paul Herford did not notice that I was somewhere else with my thoughts.

„And because of all that I am a food blogger. My dream of becoming a lawyer did not become true but I am happy now!“ He smiled a wide smile.  
„See“, Miranda said and patted his shoulder with the hand that was not holding the steering wheel, „Your life is good!“  
„Sometimes you have to take a path you did not want to go and end up finding what you’re good at!“ He wiped a not bloody tear from his cheek.  
„True! I wanted to be a vet and look at me: Am I a vet?“, Miranda asked Paul like she was the lead singer of a band who asked their audience if they were having fun.   
„No, you’re a kick butt bodyguard!“, he shouted excitedly.  
„That’s right!“, they high-fived.   
„What about you Chloe? You’re still at the beginning of your journey, what do you want to do?“, Paul asked.  
I felt myself shrink in my seat.  
The one time I was okay with them excluding me from their conversation, they had to include me.  
Just my luck.  
I hated thinking about my future.  
I always had been told to follow my dreams, but I had never really found out what my dreams were exactly (except maybe going to a school for witches and wizards). 

I also could not help but to judge Miranda and Paul Herford for not having achieved their goals of becoming a vet and a lawyer. I knew that this was unfair of me, but if you are told your entire life that everything is possible if you just set your mind to it, there are no excuses for not making it, right?

Just yourself is left to blame. And sometimes, things are just not your fault.  
What Paul had said about paths you did not want to take, that in the end helped you find what you were good at, resonated with me. I still hoped that this adventure I was in with the two of them, was this path for me.   
If it was not, well, than I was right back were I started. A directionless college kid without a plan.  
I started to feel anxious.   
And in contrast to Paul Herford, I did not have centuries to figure this all out.   
„I don’t know.“, I said and hoped they would let it go.  
„Really? You don’t even have some fantasy that you don’t tell people about?“  
I wished Paul Herford would just stop talking.  
„No.“ I crossed my arms in front of my chest.  
„I don’t believe you! If you could do anything in the world tomorrow, without worrying about money, or consequences or the education you need for it: what would you do?“  
„I don’t know!“, I repeated, this time louder.  
And I was not even lying.  
I did not have a clue.  
Sometimes I thought I wanted to breed dogs.  
Sometimes I wanted to live on a boat somewhere and save dolphins.  
Sometimes I wanted to open a book store.  
Sometimes I wanted to become a lobbyist and undermine big corporations in a big plot twist.  
Sometimes I did not care what I did for a living as long as I got my own Wikipedia article out of it.  
Sometimes I just wanted to change the world for the better.  
Sometimes I just wanted to make enough money to be able to contribute to random go-fund-mes.

Sometimes I just wanted to be rich and buy an island for me and my ten kids no matter what i had to do to get there.  
My plans and ideas for my future changed quickly, daily, sometimes even hourly and I could not seem to find the one thing, that I really wanted to do.  
„Hm…. that is bad.“  
Thanks for the encouragement, Mr. Herford.

„What is your major?“, he continued.  
„I haven’t really declared one yet.“  
„What classes are you taking?“  
Why were we talking about this?  
Why did he care?  
„Latin, photography, introduction to statistical analysis and women’s studies.“,I replied reluctantly.  
„That is a weird combination!“  
„So?“

„Nothing, it’s good if you are interested in a lot of different things!“  
I did not really chose the classes because I was particularly interested in the subjects. I had been so overwhelmed by all the courses the university offered, that I had chosen some that were close to where I lived and that were not too early in the morning. And then the latin professor changed her mind the last minute and told us in our first session that the class would from now on take place at 8a.m. on Wednesdays.  
Yes, she can really do this just like that. Somebody more enraged than me had asked her.  
„So, if you are interested in a lot of things, what would be good majors or jobs for you?“, Paul Herford continued. „Miranda, any ideas? Let’s put our heads together and find something for Chloe!“  
He clapped his hands.  
Much to my displeasure they actually started to suggest things.

In the beginning their ideas were kind of serious.   
„What about teaching, Chloe? Everyday something different, and you could specialize in different subjects to teach!“  
„What about psychology? Psychology is connected to everything!“  
„So is economics!“  
„Right, what about economics?“  
But the more they talked about it, the sillier they became.   
At least they seemed to have fun with this little road game of theirs. Other people played ‚count all the dogs you see‘, these two played ‚who can come up with something even more stupid‘.  
„You should become a clown! The profession has survived centuries! And you’d scare people! You would like that, wouldn’t you?“  
„Uh, I know! Wait for it: A witch. Boom. Solved.“

„Yes! A witch, perfect! She has the certain something to pull that off!“

The both laughed.

I did not even respond anymore.  
In the beginning I had tried to explain why their suggestions were not really for me. But this was not a conversation that was supposed to help me anymore, this was just pure entertainment for them.  
With every new, ridiculous thing they came up with, their laughter became louder and wilder.  
I tried to ignore them as best as I could.  
I could see more and more houses out of the car window. We had reached the outskirts of a small town.  
The town was in fact so small, that it took Miranda only two minutes to find the next grocery store.   
We were pulling up to the parking lot when Paul Herford, inspired by a big sign in a front yard of a nearby house, that told people to ‚Be true, vote Blue! Marina Blue of the Republican Party for Major‘, suggested: „Hey, Chloe you should become a politician!“  
They both started to laugh so hard that Miranda had to stop the car in the middle of the process of parking it.  
That was enough.  
I needed to get out of here or I would go to jail for murder.   
„What do we need again? Give me some money and I’ll go get it.“  
They just continued laughing.  
Fine.

„Okay, then I’ll just go and shoplift the things I want.“  
I opened the car door.  
„Wait, wait Chloe!“, Miranda was still laughing but she tried really hard to be constructive and serious. „Are you sure? I can go in!“  
„Yeah, it’s fine, I need to wash my hands anyway, tissues and hand sanitizer does not really do the trick for me you know?“  
She looked confused, as if she did not really know why I took this rude tone with her.  
How insensitive she was.

At least she seemed to come down from the high she had been on. 

„Eh.. okay…. Here, wear this hat! Paul, where is the hat?“  
Paul Hereford fished a purple beanie with long, blonde, fake hair attached to it out from underneath his seat and threw it in my face.  
It smelled old.   
I tied my hair to a messy bun and put the beanie on my head.   
In the meantime Miranda had finished parking the car and had produced twenty bucks from the pockets of her jeans.  
I ripped the money out of her hands and without another word, I slammed the car door shut behind me and started to stomp across the nearly empty parking lot to the tiny, white box, that was this towns food source.  
Miranda rolled down the car window and shouted: „Water, snacks and something vegan, gluten free without peanuts for Paul!“  
Without looking back, I raised my hand to show that I heard her.   
I was annoyed and angry.  
The closer I came to the shop the better I could see my reflection in the glass door.  
The beanie I was wearing might have fooled a blind person, but that was it. Everyone who’s vision was not fully impaired, could see that the hair was fake.  
Still focused on my mirror image, I noticed something moving behind me.   
Two guys in black suits just got out of a black van and were on their way to the store.  
Oh god were they…..?  
But weren’t vans of dangerous people supposed to be white?  
I shook my head.  
Paranoia, Chloe.

Even in the middle of nowhere, people had to wear suits for work sometimes.

But I did not want to risk anything.  
I was just going to be quick! Get the stuff, get out again and in case of danger, let Miranda kick their asses.

I had wanted to have another pee for the bank on the hopefully semi clean supermarket toilet but I was painfully aware of the two guys strolling aimlessly through the store.  
I had to hurry.

I grabbed three bottles of water and a couple bags of potato chips. Then I remembered this one and only party that I went to during my first semester, where a white guy with dreadlocks who smelled of weed had explained to me, that a lot of potato chips were not actually vegan.

Frantically I looked for something I could get for Paul Herford.   
In a desperate attempt to find at least something he could eat, I went over to the salat bar and put all the vegetables in one of those plastic bowls.  
Okay.  
Time to get out of here.  
After I had paid for the things (luckily, I did not have to wait long, I was the next person in line after a teenage boy with greasy hair who only bought one energy drink. The salat nearly bankrupted me), I put everything into a paper bag (because climate change) and hurried out of the store.

In the reflection of the glass I could see them giving up their aimless strolling and starting to move into the direction of the exit.  
Okay, I was sure now, they were following me.  
Damn it.  
Time to get back to the car.  
I started to walk in the direction I had come from, when I noticed that the car was not there anymore.  
I stopped and looked around.  
It should be easy to see Miranda’s dark blue SUV in the nearly empty and pretty small parking lot.  
I could hear footsteps coming up behind me.  
But the car, my save haven, was nowhere to be found.  
  
Paul Herford and Miranda were gone.   



	13. Jesus, my Lord and Saviour?!

 

I stood in the parking lot of the supermarket and could not believe that Paul Herford and Miranda would just leave me here.  
I was a little hurt, I thought the three of us had started to become friends.  
All of this just confirmed my secret fear, that I was just an inconvenience and a burden to them.  
It was probably my fault, I should not have been so rude to Miranda earlier….  
The footsteps came closer and closer.  
Get yourself together, Chloe, this is not the time for self-pity and overthinking.  
Without much thought, I started to walk across the parking lot.   
If you pretend to be confident, people would believe you.  
Sometimes at least.   
I hoped the men in the suits would think that I belonged in this town.  
If I only had my cellphone, I could call Miranda!  
Wait no, I did not have her number…. But I could call the police!  
Maybe I would find a payphone, I had some change left over from the shopping I did for the road trip….  
I reached the end of the parking lot.

I needed to decide where to go next.  
I deliberated in which direction I was most likely to find a payphone in, when somebody taped me on the shoulder.   
I realized that I had stopped walking. Since when could I not walk and think at the same time anymore?  
I hoped that I would find Miranda or Paul Herford when i turned around, who had come back to rescue me but, sadly, I only saw the two suit-buddies from the store.

„Excuse me, Ma’am, can we talk to you for a quick second?“, said the taller one of the two. He had brown hair, wore sunglasses and looked like he spent too much time on a tanning bed. The shorter one sported a face in the shape of a square, his blue eyes far apart under is blonde hair.

When I responded, I tried to contain my panic as well as I could, but some how I defaulted to speaking in a weird accent, that sounded like a person from eastern Europe, who tired to imitate somebody from the south of the US: „No, Sir, I am very sorry, but my boyfriend is waiting at home for me, and he will be very worried if I’m not home soon!“  
I turned around and started walking again, hoping that men’s view of women as possessions would work for me for once. If they thought that I was spoken for, maybe they would leave me alone.  
The taller one of the two grabbed me by the shoulder. „It won’t take long.“

Damn it.

I turned around to face them again and tried to shake his hand of my shoulder as politely as possible.   
„What is it you have to say gentleman?“, I said in the accent again.

„Are you with Paul?“, tall suit guy asked.  
„I don’t know any Paul!“, now I started to sound Scottish for some reason.   
Thanks brain.  
„What’s your name?“  
„Chl……“, I probably should not give them my real name, „Chl…. Clementine. And with whom do I have the honor of talking to?“   
I sounded very posh now.  
„I’m Brad this is Jesus“, the shorter one, Brad, replied.

Jesus slapped Brad on the back of his head. „Why did you tell her our names?“  
„Why are you always the one who gets do do all the talking? That’s just unfair, bro.“  
Something in the way Brad spoke and behaved reminded me of my good old roomie, Max.   
That gave me an idea.  
With Max, it had always helped to distract him from what he wanted.  
Maybe it would work with Brad, too?  
It was worth a try.   
What could go wrong?  
As long as we were talking, they did not hurt me.  
„Jesus and Brad, Brad and Jesus…..“, I looked at Jesus, „You know who you remind me of? Who else was called Jesus?“  
Jesus rolled his eyes but Brad asked very eagerly: „Who?“  
„Jesus, of course!“, I laughed. I hope they didn’t notice that it was a little too high pitched and hysterical for a normal laugh.  
To my relieve, Brad joined in: „Haha, oh yeah right!“  
Then he stopped, frowned and whispered to me: „Wait which Jesus are we talking about?“  
„Jesus Christ, Son of God and an alleged virgin.“, I whispered back and noticed, that I was finally back to my normal accent.   
„Haha, so true!“ Brad spoke in his normal voice again and slapped Jesus on the back. „You’re totally like Jesus man, sick!“  
Jesus was not as amused as we were, his annoyance audible in every word: „I’ve never heard that before. Now. Can we get back to business?“  
„No!“, Brad was angry now, „I want to talk about this more, you can’t always decide what we do.“  
„I don’t always decide what we do, what are you even talking about.“ Jesus shook his head.  
„Bro, man, than i can think of only one other reason for you not wanting to talk about Jesus Christ!“  
„Brad stop it, we are here to—“

„You hate the famous, holy Jesus because your mom wasn’t a virgin when she had you!“, Brad shouted, so loudly, a dog started to bark in close distance.  
At least I assume that those incidents were related.

If the situation was not so serious, I would have laughed.   
„Leave my mom out of this!“, Jesus was angry now, too.  
I could tell that he really did not want to care about Brad’s and my shenanigans but he also could not let this one go so easily.  
So his mom was his weak spot?   
Interesting.

Brad was already distracted enough, time to get Jesus on the hook.  
„Jesus, I bet your mom is an amazing person and a devout Christian isn’t she? She named you Jesus after all!“, I said as softly as I could.  
„Yes, thank you! She really is! She is a very nice lady. The nicest actually. We go to church every Sunday and pray before every meal and this one time… wait, why am I telling you this?“  
So close.  
So close to having him distracted.  
My inner panic was close to becoming unmanageable and I felt backed against a wall.  
I was out of options, I did not know what to do.  
That was when a car drove by behind them.  
A blue SUV.   
I could see Paul Herford through one of the windows. He held a sheet of paper to the window on which someone had written ‚Distract them‘.  
Really?  
What did he think i had been doing here for the last couple of minutes?  
I was relived but I also really was out of ideas.  
Jesus was about to look over his shoulder to see what I was looking at.  
Okay.  
I had to say something startling to get is attention back.  
Quick.  
I decided to be controversial.  
„You know“, I said a little too loudly, „I really don’t believe in Jesus!“  
„What“, Jesus asked confused at the same time Brad exclaimed : „Nah, bro, he’s real, man, you can touch him!“  
Okay.  
So far so good.  
They were both looking at me again, I had their attention back.  
I just had to keep that going for a little while longer.  
The fact that Brad thought I meant suit Jesus, not alleged virgin born Jesus gave me an idea.

„Yeah see, I think there were multiple Jesusses… Jesi…There was more than one Jesus!“  
Jesus snorted dismissively, but Brad was intrigued: „What do you mean, Clamantha?“  
„Well“, I said, ignoring that he just called me Clamantha, „Back in the day, Jesus was a super common name wasn't it? Jesusses… Jesi…. were probably running around like Mikes are these days!“  
Brad nodded. „I know at least five different Mikes!“  
„Exactly. And the Jesus we know today, the holy Jesus, he did a lot miracles right? What if he did not do all of them? I feel like crediting only one Jesus with the exceptional work would be like applauding only one Chris for all the work all the different Chrisses did in every Marvel Movie!“

„Whoa, bro!“, Brad folded his hands above his head, „That’s so smart, man, so smart! Poof, mind blown!“  
It really was not smart, but I was glad that Brad enjoyed my…well, let’s call it theory.  
Jesus clearly wanted me to shut up but at least he was listening to me.  
Out of nowhere I could see Miranda pop up behind them.  
She was close but she moved slowly and carefully, so they would not notice her.  
She looked at me and made gesture that was supposed to tell me that I should continue to do to what I was doing. 

Much to my displeasure, the very panicked me decided, that this meant singing.  
And if this was not bad enough, my brain chose the melody of ‚Coming Round the Mountain‘.

>   
>  _There was more then just one Jesus, yes there was!_  
>  There was more than just one Jesus, yes there was!  
>  They were all named Jesus and they all deserve some credit  
>  There was more than just one Jesus, yes there was!

__

Of all the great songs, the masterpieces of music history.   
This was my fallback?  
I needed to have a word with myself later.  
Luckily, I did not have to think of another verse because Miranda was now right behind Brad and Jesus.  
And everything that happened after that was kind of blur for me.  
Miranda grabbed the guys by their hair and without hesitation and time for them to react, smashed their heads together.   
The second they sank to the ground and she could be sure that they were unconscious, she grabbed my arm and we started to run.  
She somehow managed to push me and the grocery bag I was still holding into the car and start driving.   
We had not run that far but of course, I was completely out of breath.  
I was lying in the backseat, pressing my hands into the sides of my stomach, which felt like it was on fire, trying to catch my breath.  
This was the second time in two days that I had been out of breath from running away from something.

If this became a regular thing for me, I should really start working out.   
At least I would have a good reason to drag myself to a gym then. 

I heard wheels squeaking and Paul Herford screaming. Some of the screams were because he was scaredbut most of the time he yelled directions.  
„Left, right, left, not here that’s a dead end, faster the traffic light is turning red soon…“  
I could not follow all of it, I was too busy with rebalancing my oxygen levels.

After a couple more abrupt turns, and wheel squeaks Miranda shouted: „I think we lost them!“  
„Okay!“, Paul Herford shouted back, „I’ll look for a spot!“  
And a couple seconds later he added: „Miranda over here!“  
The car came to a sudden halt, before it moved backwards very slowly, then forwards just as slowly, then backwards and then forwards again.  
Miranda turned off the engine.  
I was so confused by what was going on, that I sat up to see what was happening, despite the fact that I still felt like I was about to vomit or faint any moment.

After I had freed my eyes and head from the fake alone beanie hair, I looked out of the windows and saw that Miranda had parked the car on the side of the street. We were standing between a small black car and a dark green car, that was a little bigger then ours.  
„What…are…. we… doing?“, I managed to stammer out between heavy breaths.  
„We are waiting for them to leave this town.“, Miranda answered while staring out of the windows.

„We are well hidden here between the other cars.“, Paul Herford explained.

A black van drove by us in a speed, that would make race car drivers jealous.  
I bet it was Brad’s and Jesus’ car.  
And they did not seem to have noticed us.  
So far so good.  
„By the way, did you get the food?“, Miranda asked.

How was that a ‚by the way‘? I wanted to say something and just scream at them for leaving me alone and driving away just like that but I was still not back to full oxygen yet.  
Instead I looked around and found the paper bag next to my feet on the floor of the car.   
I grabbed it and handed it to Paul Herford.  
He looked through it like child, who is finally allowed to open christmas presents.  
„Aw“, he said with disappointment, „you got me a salat?“  
I just shrugged.  
Miranda handed me a water bottle. „Drink a little, Chloe. You did well out there. Now rest, we are going to wait here for a while until their back up is gone as well.“  
  
Half an hour or so later, a full fleet of black vans drove by us.  
That must have been the back up.  
I finally was back to normal, but I did not dare to say anything. We were all very tense because of our situation.   
Well, not too tense to eat potato chips.  
  
We waited another thirty minutes or so before Miranda relaxed.  
„I think we are out of danger for now.“  
She restarted the engine.   
„We’re going to refill the tank and then drive none stop to the hot spot. No pee breaks. If you have to go, you go now.“  
„Roger that!“ , Paul Herford answered.  
  
And we did exactly that. We found a gas station and with a full tank and empty bladders, drove without stopping to the hot spot.

**  
**


End file.
